British -- Norway -- Fiction; Conduct of life -- Fiction; Norwegians -- England -- Fiction
dull monotony of the path in front of him with its heaps of brown
leaves. A bird sat singing in the beech-tree above him; its song jarred
on him just as much as the beauty of the sunset, it seemed to urge him
to leave the place where he was not needed, to take himself out of a
world which was meant for beauty and brightness and success, a world
which had no sympathy for failure or misery. He longed for the song to
cease, and he longed for the sunset glory to fade, he was impatient for
the end; the mere waiting for that brief interval became to him almost
intolerable; only the dread of being rescued held him back.
Presently footsteps on the path made him look up; a shabbily dressed
girl walked slowly by, she was absorbed in a newspaper story and did not
notice him; neither did she notice her charge, a pale-faced, dark-eyed
little girl of about six years old who followed her at some distance,
chanting a pretty, monotonous little tune as she dragged a toy-cart
along the gravel. Frithiof, with the preternatural powers of observation
which seemed his that day, noticed in an instant every tiniest detail of
the child’s face and dress and bearing, the curious anatomy of the
wooden horse, the heap of golden leaves in the little cart. As the child
drew nearer, the words of the song became perfectly audible to him. She
sang very slowly, and in a sort of unconscious way, as if she couldn’t
help it:
“Comfort every sufferer,
Watching late in pain—”
She paused to put another handful of leaves into the cart, arranged them
with great care, patted the wooden steed, and resumed her song as if
there had been no interruption—
“Those who plan some evil,
From their sin restrain.”
Frithiof felt as if a knife had been suddenly plunged into him; he tried
to hear more, but the words died away, he could only follow the
monotonous little tune in the clear voice, and the rattling of the toy
cart on the pathway. And so the child passed on out of sight, and he saw
her no more.
He was alone again, and the twilight for which he had longed was fast
closing in upon him; a sort of blue haze seemed gathering over the park;
night was coming on. What was this horrible new struggle which was
beginning within him? “Evil,” “sin”; could he not at least do what he
would with his own life? Where was the harm in ending that which was
hopelessly spoiled and ruined? Was not suicide a perfectly legitimate
ending to a life?
A voice within him answered his question plainly:
“To the man with a diseased brain—the man who doesn’t know what he is
about—it is no worse an end than to die in bed of a fever. But to
you—you who are afraid of the suffering of life, you who know quite well
what you are doing—to you it is sin.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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