A Humorous History of England

Name: A Humorous History of England
Author: Harrison, Charles

Harrison, Charles

Caricatures and cartoons -- Great Britain; English wit and humor; Great Britain -- History -- Humor; Humorous poetry

Queen           Good Queen Bess we understand
  Elizabeth       Had crowds of suitors for her hand;
                  And here we beg to give a view
                  Of suitors waiting in a queue.

[Illustration: IRON JELLOIDS The Great Tonic]

  Queen           As time rolled on this Good Queen Bess
  Elizabeth       Lost somewhat of her sprightliness;
  (continued)     She got into a nervous state
                  Was mopish and disconsolate.
                  Now, as everyone will own,
                  Had 'Iron Jelloids' been but known
                  In Bess's time; why, it's conceded
                  'Twas just the Tonic that she needed.
  East India      The great 'John Comp'ny' now began
  Company         Its fine career without a plan.
  1600            Great! The Elizabethan Age.
                  In History's book a glorious page.

[Illustration]

                  Somewhere or other we've heard snuff
                  Came in the days of frill and ruff;
                  And here's a noble ill at ease
                  Giving the first recorded sneeze.

  James I.        James Six of Scotland, miscalled a 'fule'
  1603-1625       As James One of England comes to rule.
                  Gramercy! 'tis a canny thing
                  To be a 'double-barrelled' King.
                  The son of Mary Queen of Scots
                  Of learning he had lots and lots,
                  Writing sundry ponderous books
                  'Gainst 'bacca, witches and their spooks.
                  James thought his kingly power divine
                  And, loathing Puritanic 'whine,'
                  He vowed to make them all comply
                  Or else he'd 'know the reason why.'
  Pilgrim Fathers His persecution to escape
  1620            Some Zealots in the 'Mayflower' shape
                  Their course for an uncharted world
                  Where Freedom's Flag could be unfurled.
                  These 'Pilgrim Fathers' found a state
                  'New England,' blessed with happy fate.
                  Folks have called the first King James
                  Most uncomplimentary names;
                  To wit 'a sloven' and 'a glutton';
                  Perhaps his weakness was Scotch Mutton.
                  And as to gluttony, 'Gadzooks'!
                  If what we read in History books
                  Is true, they all were trenchermen;
                  There were no diet faddists then.
                  It startles us, one must declare,
                  To read their breakfast bill of fare;
                  All 'Kynes' of ale, some highly spiced
                  And divers meats, roast, boiled and sliced.
                  In James' reign a man could get
                  For money down a coronet
                  And titles with the greatest ease
                  Like folks to-day buy soap and cheese.
  Harvey          Yet a learned time; for Harvey shows

Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.

A Humorous History of England

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