_Presidential Puns._ When it was told to Lincoln that a division of Burnside’s had been entrapped into a _cul de sac_, Lincoln _said_ he’d cull the _sack_ for his stupidity. _A Liberal Giver._ Mr. Lincoln, in his happier moments, is not always reminded of a “little story,” but often indulges in a veritable joke. One of the latest reported is his remark when he found himself attacked by the varioloid; he had been recently very much worried by people asking favours. “Well,” said he, when the contagious disease was coming upon him, “I’ve got something now that I can give to everybody.” About the time when there was considerable grumbling as to the delay in forwarding to the troops the money due to them, a western paymaster, in full major’s attire, was one day introduced at a public reception. “Being here, Mr. Lincoln,” said he, “I thought I’d call and pay my respects.” “From the complaints of the soldiers,” responded the President, “I guess that’s about all any of you can pay.” _Coffee versus Tea._ It is told by a Federal correspondent, who is probably “reliable,” that Mr. Lincoln was walking up Pennsylvania Avenue the other day, relating “a little story” to Secretary Seward, when the latter called his attention to a new sign bearing the name of “T. R. Strong.” “Ha!” says old Abe, his countenance lighting up with a peculiar smile, “T. R. Strong, but coffee are stronger.” Seward smiled, but made no reply. [We don’t see how he could reply after so atrocious a thing as that.] _Lincoln on Skedaddle._ “Don’t talk to me bosh! I am sickened each day “With your bumkum and tweedle dee twaddle: “Why, on earth, do you tell me our men run away, “When the right term to use is Skedaddle? “None but cow-hearted men, Europeans to wit, “Run away like a herd of scared cattle; “True Yankees! when licked, may Skedaddle a bit, “But ne’er run like base cowards in battle!” _Miraculous._ Two brothers named Fish were drafted in the city of New York, out of Twenty Seven-street The facetious Abe hearing this, at once declared it to be “A most miraculous draught of _fishes_.” _Liquor, Boys._ A number of clergymen of the Beecher school waited on the President with a memorial, signed by 7,000 religious Presbyterians, requesting that General Grant be removed on the ground of drunkenness. They got a warm reception from Old Abe for their pains, who retorted thus: “Only tell me,” said he, “where he buys his liquor, I will be obliged to you, and will send a cask of the same liquor to every general in the army.” _Seasonable._ Alluding to one of the great battles recently fought, the President, in bidding farewell to the general said, “I hear that the rebels complain of a want of salt, I hope when you return you will be able to inform me that after you have as-(_sault_)ed them they will have been sufficiently peppered.” _Too Deep._