The President at a dinner party related the following with much gusto: “During one of the retreats of the Army of the Potomac, some of the cavalry had a desire to cross, the commanding officer called out to them to ‘form _two deep_.’ One of them, however, in advance of the rest, and up to his horse’s nose in water, called out that he was ‘too deep already.’” _How to Conquer the South._ The kind words the President said regarding the enemy, called forth a rebuke from an elderly lady who was present. She wondered how he could speak kindly of his enemies, when he should rather destroy them. “What, madam?” replied the President, “do I not destroy them when I make them my friends?” _Gratuitous Kindness._ When President Lincoln was a very young man, he paid a visit to New York. While there, some thief contrived to ease him of his watch. The next day the young joker inserted the following in the _New York Herald_: “Stolen, a watch worth a hundred dollars. If the thief will return it, he shall be informed, gratis, where he may steal one worth two of it, and no questions asked.” _Blowing Hot and Cold._ “It’s very hot in the south, Mr. Lincoln, is it not?” said a personal friend to Lincoln, on his return from a visit to an important station of the Federal army. “Very,” was the ready answer, “I saw a woman do her ironing with no other warming power save that of the sunshine, and as I came away she was hanging her kettle out of the window to get her tea ready.” _Negro Pluck._ On Mrs. Lincoln doubting the heroism of the niggers, her husband related the following:--“A negro at Boston had a severe attack of rheumatism, which finally settled in his foot. He bathed it and rubbed it, but to no purpose. Finally, tearing the bandage off, he stuck it out with a savage grin, and shaking his fist at it, exclaimed, ‘Ache away, dear old feller, I shan’t do nothing more for yer; dis child,’ tapping his breast, ‘can stand it as long as you can, so ache away.’” _Hirsute Philosophy._ “For a military man,” said a conceited coxcomb, to Abe one day, “don’t you think moustaches becoming?” “Well, sir,” was Abe’s reply, “they may _be coming_, but haven’t yet arrived.” _Slander._ “It,” said the conductor of State Affairs in America, “would be a perpetual flea hunt if one were obliged to run down all the inuendoes, the inveracities, the insinuations, the suspicions, &c., uttered against him.” _Change of Climate._