A crony of Abe’s--a man named Payne, was appointed a general at Illinois; in reference to his election the following is recorded, which the president tells with great _gusto_: One day a wealthy old lady, whose plantation was in the vicinity of the camp, came in and inquired for General Payne. When the commander made his appearance, the old lady in warm language told him that his men had stolen her last coop of chickens, and demanded its restoration or its value in money. “I am sorry for you, madam,” replied the general, “but I can’t help it. The fact is, Madam, we are determined to squelch out the rebellion, if it cost every d----d chicken in Tennessee.” _Lincoln on Physic._ Lincoln once said of an apothecary, that his employment was to pour drugs, of which he knew little, into a body of which he knew less. _False Accusation._ When General Peck attempted to take Blackwater, in Virginia, fear was expressed, that from his known sternness, he would compromise the honour of the Federal cause by giving the place up to pillage. “No fear,” said Lincoln, “it takes more _pecks_ than one to make a _sack_.” _How to make Foes._ “When I give away a place,” said Lincoln, to a person who was continually importuning him, “I discover that I always make a hundred foes to one friend.” _Tough Job._ “Constant practice as a rail-splitter,” said Lincoln “gave me a thorough knowledge of the various grain found in wood, but I never thought ebony would be so tough to work upon, as I have found it to be since I took to dealing with these d--d niggers.” _The only alternative._ “How shall we get cotton” said a northern manufacturer to the president. “Well, I suppose you must just wait till the southerners _get worsted_,” was Abe’s reply. _Abe’s Difficulties._ A celebrated American Explorer, while chatting with the president, said that in his late attempt to discover the remains of the unfortunate Sir John Franklin and his crew, he passed through Davis’-straits. “Did you, by God,” said Abe, “then, I should think you are the only person on earth who could pass through mine.” _Misnomers._ “What are you?” said Lincoln, to a man dressed in fustian, who rudely accosted him in the streets of Washington. “I am a civil engineer” was the reply. “Then,” said the president, “you are like the war now raging, sadly mis-named, for there is nothing civil about you.” _Deficiency of Fuel._ A ship was lately dispatched by Welles to endeavour to capture the celebrated Southern cruiser, yclept the _Alabama_. After the ship had been absent a short time it was discovered that the supply of coals was deficient. The coals had been supplied by a celebrated New York dealer in that commodity named Heaven. Upon the matter being mentioned to Lincoln, he replied, “Well, he ought to have telegraphed to _Heaven_ for more coals.” _A Queer Compliment._