When Lincoln sent Admiral ---- to enforce the blockade at Charlestown and Wellington, he said “there was no chance of failure, as the person sent carried with him a _blockhead_ that nothing could penetrate.” _A slight addition._ A New York lawyer was desirous of being appointed as a judge. “There are only ten,” he exclaimed, “to transact the whole of the state’s affairs.” “And so you want to increase them to one hundred,” said Lincoln. “How so,” said the applicant. “Why, by adding a cipher to them.” _Preaching out West._ Lincoln is very fond of repeating the following: “I knew an old preacher, out west, who, on a very cold day, when describing hell, said ‘it was an awful place and that the cold was unbearable.’ One of his congregation, at the close of the sermon, took upon himself to ask the preacher why he had described hell as being cold, when all eminent divines said it was the very reverse. ‘Oh, sir,’ said the preacher, ‘I had good reason, for if I had preached the reverse, I should have had them running away to warm themselves.’” _Tom Thumb._ “I understand, General,” said Lincoln, addressing the celebrated dwarf, Tom Thumb, “that you are about to have the first instalment of a family.” “Yes,” was the general’s reply. “Well,” said the president, “I trust it will be a boy.” “Why,” interrogated the dwarf. “Because I should like your infant to increase my infantry.” _How a Black’s Made._ “I tell you,” said Seward to Lincoln, one day, “Everything you proclaim is quite right, But to arm the poor nigger is not quite the thing, For two blacks never yet made a white.” “You are wrong, they are equal, no matter their hue, And I’ll prove that in judgment you lack: Only give me your help, and united I’ll prove, That two _whites_ can at least make a _black_.” “My service you claim, and freely ’tis given; Now, the truth of your promise let’s see.” He wrote, “manumission,” then cried, “It is done: _For a black’s never made till he’s free!_” _Abe’s First Joke._ Abe Lincoln, when a boy, had an uncle who kept a mill down west. Noticing that the mill was going very slow, the young joker, on meeting the miller, said, he could eat the meal faster than the mill ground it. “How long could you do so?” said his uncle, struck by the boy’s remark. “Why, ’till I _starved to death_,” replied the young incorrigible. _A Wonderful Child._ “American babies,” said Lincoln, during the time of the celebrated baby show, “lick all babies. I have seen one in Massachusetts, only six months old, sitting in its mother’s lap, viewing its own cradle, to see if it could not invent a better, or, at least, suggest some improvement.” _How to stop thieves._