“Friend Lincoln,” said a celebrated Western farmer, one day, to the president, “thee knows almost everything; can thee tell me how I am to preserve my small beer in the back yard? My neighbours are often tapping it of nights.”--“Put a barrel of old Madeira by the side of it, let the rogues but get a taste of that, and I warrant they’ll never touch your small beer any more.” _Hopping the twig._ “It is no use, president; wherever I go,” said an officer appointed to enforce the draft, “I find the houses shut up, and the bird flown.” “I see,” said the president, “they are _afraid of the draft_.” _The best saddles._ There was a dispute at Washington about which were the best saddles for the Federal Cavalry. Lincoln said “the best saddles were decidedly saddles of mutton.” _An offer rejected._ When Blondin was performing his daring feats at Niagara, he asked Lincoln “if he would mind trusting himself on his back.” The answer was somewhat prophetic, and as follows: “I shall not trust your rope!” (Europe). _A decided smasher._ “That paper must be rigorously dealt with,” said Welles. “I have already,” said Lincoln “contrived to divide America, and you now want me to smash the _Globe_!” _Artillery Practice._ When is was reported that General Blunt had let the rebel cavalry escape. The President remarked to the Chief of the War Department, that “the appointment of such a man was a piece of folly, for how could it be expected that _Blunt_ could be _Sharp_.” _A curious addition._ “Is it not curious, General,” said Abe to McClellan, “that whenever a piece of field artillery is fired, that the number of animals attending it is increased?” “How so?” said the famous Northern General. “Why,” said Lincoln, “it then has not only its four horses in front, but it has also _its moke_ behind.” _The Cost of War._ “Your fighting, General,” said Lincoln, to a general who had returned disabled, “has been an expensive affair to you.” “How so” “Why,” said the president, “it has cost you a _leg I see_” (legacy.) _In memory of._ To commemorate the battle of Bull’s run, the Yankees are about to build an hotel there. On hearing of this, Lincoln remarked that “there was a _hot hell_ there before.” _A Crocodile’s age._ Abe Lincoln prides himself on being the first to make known the means of ascertaining the age of crocodiles. He says that a negro acquainted him with the fact that a sort of bag is placed in the intestines of the crocodiles, which always contains a number of stones corresponding with the years of its life, it being the custom of these animals to swallow a stone on their birthday. _No Thanks._