[Illustration] There was an old fellow of Reading, Who went to his granddaughter’s wedding; When they asked for a present He tried to look pleasant, But said “This is what I was dreading.” [Illustration] There was a young housemaid at Ashdown, Who strained herself pulling the sash down; Being duly insured, She was months being cured, But the doctor insisted on cash down. [Illustration] There was an old girl of Carstairs, Whose villa required some repairs; When she asked if the plumber Could finish next summer, He said he should be there for years. [Illustration] There was a young lady of Bude, Who frequently painted the nude; So that some of her pictures Invited the strictures Of many an ignorant prude. [Illustration] There was an old man of Baroda, Who said, “I perceive a bad odour”; When they said, “Is it faint?” He replied, “No, it ain’t,” So they fetched him a whiskey and soda. [Illustration] There was a young fellow of Biscay, Who gave all his horses some whiskey; Which resulted in some Being quite overcome, And others decidedly frisky. [Illustration] There was an old fellow of Shere, Who wanted to act Chanticler; To say that his dress Was a brilliant success Would be saying as much as we dare. [Illustration] There was an old man of Shoreditch, Whose motto was “Down with the rich,” But the mounted police In the interests of peace, Succeeded in queering his pitch. [Illustration] There was a young man of Dunblane, Who was seized with a horrible pain; When his wife asked him “Where?” He replied “Somewhere here; I must never touch muffins again.” [Illustration] There was a young man of New Cross, Who rode a most marvellous horse; As it couldn’t be matched, All the others were scratched, And he simply walked over the course. [Illustration] There was a young fellow of Belvoir, Who in Love was a stern disbeliever; But on going to the Castle To take them a parcel, He caught the insidious fever. [Illustration] There was a young lady called Pippa, Who wanted to play hunt the Slipper; But she said she’d prefer Their removing the spur, For fear that the rowel might nip her. [Illustration] There was a young man of Lepanto, Who started to teach Esperanto; But they said, “It’s too much, We would sooner learn Dutch,” And told him to pack his portmanteau. [Illustration] There was a young lady called Mabel, Who hated a room with a gable; If there wasn’t another She said, “Oh don’t bother, I’ll sleep on the dining-room table.” [Illustration] There was an old lady named Bonamy, Who lectured them all on astronomy; But they said, “It’s a bore, We have heard this before, You should stick to domestic economy.”