[Illustration] There was a young man of Strathpeffer, Whose uncle grew deafer and deafer; When he asked after Mary, He thought he said “dairy,” And said, “She’s a beautiful heifer.” [Illustration] There was a young lady of Rome, Who got lost in the great Catacomb; At the end of the week She was found by a Greek, Who insisted on seeing her home. [Illustration] There was an old man of the Wye, Who said, “I could sit down and cry; When the fish are all biting, This d----d little whiting Has swallowed my favourite fly.” [Illustration] There was a young man who said, “How Shall I flee from this horrible cow? I will stand on a stool, And pretend I’m at school, With mamma’s cockatoo on my brow.” [Illustration] There was an old man of Montrose, Who discouraged his granddaughter’s beaux; When she asked them to call He said nothing at all, Or caught them a whack on the nose. [Illustration] There was an old fellow of Tweeddale, Who played on the flute and the fiddle; But he made such a din That the neighbours came in, And made him leave off in the middle. [Illustration] There was a young man of Spithead, Who never could get enough bread; Till he married a wife, Who restored him to life, For she made it herself--so she said. [Illustration] There was a young lady of Garth, Who was just getting into the bath, When her mother said, “Nelly, You must eat this jelly, You’re getting as thin as a lath.” [Illustration] There was a young damsel of Ore, Who tickled a fool with a straw; Quoth the fool, “How it tickles, I can’t eat my victuals, Oh, don’t make me laugh any more!” [Illustration] There was a young fellow of Raby, Who behaved like a regular gaby; When he went to the castle, To call for a parcel, He wanted to dandle the baby. [Illustration] There was a young man of Belgrade, Who used to catch fish with a spade; When he’d caught three or four, He would fling them ashore, Where he fried them in warm lemonade. [Illustration] There was a young fellow of Hawarden, Who entreated his visitors’ pardon; The boiler had cracked, As a matter of fact, So he brought them some lunch in the garden. [Illustration] There was an old fellow of Lee, Who hid himself under a tree; But when winter came round He was easily found, For the leaves had come off--don’t you see? [Illustration] There was an old lady of Lee, Who thought that her Chow had a flea; She was so much afraid, That she rang for her maid, But the butler said, “Leave it to me.” [Illustration] There was a young sportsman, whose trouble Was constantly seeing things double; His dog and his ape Took a duplicate shape, And he noticed the same with the stubble. [Illustration]