It was probably not many minutes, but it seemed hours on end, before
Miss Wright brought me my supper. She sat on the edge of my bed and
helped me find the way to my mouth. She was considerate, and tried to
be cheering. But I did not like her. Always her very efficiency
reminded me of my helplessness. And her voice seemed too large for a
woman. It gave me the impression that she was talking to someone
several feet behind me.
They had, I think, mercifully drugged my food, for I fell asleep at
once. When I woke I had no idea of the hour. For some time I lay there
in the darkness wondering about it. I did not want to wake anybody up.
But at last I decided that I would not be so hungry before breakfast
time. After much futile fumbling I found the bell above my bed. In a
few minutes Miss Barton’s voice—even after all these years, I think of
it as the type of sunny cheerfulness—announced that it was near eleven.
When the breakfast was finished, with joking cautions against setting
the bed on fire, she filled my pipe and taught my hands the way to the
matchbox.
In the weeks which followed, I lost all track of the sun’s time. I came
to figure my days in relation to her. During the "nights," when she was
off duty, the darkness was very black.
It would be impossible for me to give in detail the evolution by which
Miss Barton, my nurse, changed into my friend, Ann. It began I think
when she discovered how utterly alone I was. The second day in the
hospital I was given permission to have visitors, and I sent for my
employer’s man of law.
"Whom do you want to have come to see you to-morrow?" Miss Barton asked
when he had gone.
I could think of no one.
"Do you want me to write some letters to your relatives?"
"No. I haven’t any near kin."
"Well. Haven’t you some friends to write to?"
In the three years I had lived at Mr. Perry’s I had severed all social
connections. I had not kept up my college friendships. Benson had been
so opposed to my leaving what he called active life that I had lost all
touch with him. My only relations with people had been technical, by
correspondence. I did not want to trouble even Prof. Meer with my
purely personal misfortunes. This seemed utterly impious to Miss
Barton. What? I had lived several years in the city and had no friends?
It was unbelievable! Unfortunately it was true. I could think of no
one to ask in to relieve my loneliness. And there is no loneliness like
the darkness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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