The next week was the worst, for the nurses changed and Miss Wright, who
was on day duty, was not companionable. However, Miss Barton, taking
compassion on me, used often to sit with me by the hour at night. How
fragmentary was my contact with her! No one who has not been deprived
of sight can realize how large a part it plays in the relationships of
life. I could only hear. There was always the creak of the rocking
chair beside my bed and her voice, sometimes placid, sometimes tense,
swinging back and forth in the darkness. It did not seem to have any
body to it. Whenever her hands touched me, it startled me.
But from her talk I learned something of the person who owned the voice.
She had been born in a Vermont village, where no one had ever heard of a
professional woman, but as far back as she could remember, she had set
her heart on medicine. Her father she had never known. Her mother, a
fine needlewoman and embroidery designer had brought up the children. A
brother was an engineer and the older sister a school teacher. But
there had not been enough money to send Ann to medical college. Nursing
was as near as she had been able to get towards her ambition. But what
could not be given her she intended to win for herself. She had taken
this position because the night duty was very light and every other week
she could give almost the entire day to study. Her interest had turned
to the new science of bacteriology. Her vague ambition to be a doctor
had changed to the definite ideal of research work.
Somehow the voice, so calmly certain when it dealt of this, gave me an
impression of integrity of purpose, of invincible determination, such as
sight has never given me of anyone. I did not, any more than she, know
how she was to get her research laboratory. But I could not doubt that
she would. She had unquestioning faith in her destiny. I find myself
emphasizing this phase of her. It impressed me most at the time.
But her conversation was by no means limited to her ambition. She had
read a thousand things besides her medicine, and spoke of them more
frequently. She was constantly referring to books, to facts of history
and science, of which I was ignorant. She talked seriously of ethics
and the deeper things of life. It woke again in me all the old
questionings and aspirations of prep. school days—the things I had
hidden away from in my book-filled library. She was the first person I
had met since the doctor at school who showed me what she thought of
these things. Benson had talked copiously about the objective side of
life, but he had never referred to his inner life. The people I had
known wanted to make this world a prayer meeting, a counting house or a
playground. Ann was no more interested in such ideals than I was.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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