France -- History -- Revolution, 1789-1799 -- Fiction
Mlle de Rochambeau passed lightly out. He heard her door close, and
shut his own. He was alone. A torrent as of emotion sublimed into fire
swept over him, and soul and body flamed to it. He paced the room
angrily. Where was his self-control, his patriotism, his determination
to live for one only Mistress, the Republic of his ardent dreams? A
shocked consciousness that this aristocrat, this child of the enemy, was
more to him than the most ardent of them, assaulted his mind, but he
repulsed it indignantly. This was a madness, a fever, and it would
pass. He had led too solitary a life, hence this girl’s power to
disturb him. Had he mixed more with women he would have been safe,—and
suddenly he recalled Rosalie’s handsome cousin, the Thérèse of his
warning to young Cléry. She had made unmistakable advances to him more
than once, but he had presented a front of immovable courtesy to her
inviting smiles and glances. Certainly an affair with her would have
been a liberal education, he reflected half scornfully, half whimsically
disgusted, and no doubt it would have left him less susceptible. Fool
that he was!
Far into the night he paced his room, and continued the mental struggle.
Love comes hardly to some natures, and those not the least noble. A man
trained to self-control, master of his own soul and all its passions,
does not without a struggle yield up the innermost fortress of his
being. He will not abdicate, and love will brook no second place. The
strong man armed keepeth his house, but when a stronger than he cometh—
All that night Dangeau wrestled with that stronger than he!
It was some days before the evening task was interrupted again. If
Dangeau could not speak to her without a thousand follies clamouring in
him for utterance, he could at least hold his tongue. Once or twice the
pen in those resolute fingers flagged, and his eyes rested on his
secretary longer than he knew. Heavy shadows begirt her. The low roof
sloped to the gloom of the unlighted angles in the wall. Outside the
lamp-light’s contracted circle, all seemed strange, unformed, grotesque.
Weird shadows hovered in the dusk background, and curious flickers of
light shot here and there, as the ill-trimmed flame flared up, or
suddenly sank. The yellow light turned Mademoiselle’s hair to burnished
gold, and laid heavy shadows under her dark blue eyes. Its wan glow
stole the natural faint rose from her cheeks and lips, giving her an
unearthly look, and waking in Dangeau a poignant feeling, part spiritual
awe, part tender compassion for her whiteness and her youth, that
sometimes merged into the wholly human longing to touch, hold, and
comfort.
Once she looked up and caught that gaze upon her. Her face whitened a
little more, and she bent rather lower over her writing, but afterwards,
in her own room, she blushed angrily, and wondered at herself, and him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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