A Modest Proposal: For preventing the children of poor people in Ireland, from being a burden on their parents or country, and for making them beneficial to the publickSwift, Jonathan
General
A Modest Proposal: For preventing the children of poor people in Ireland, from being a burden on their parents or country, and for making them beneficial to the publick
Swift, Jonathan
Ireland -- Politics and government -- 18th century -- Humor; Political satire, English; Religious satire, English
I do therefore humbly offer it to publick consideration, that of the
hundred and twenty thousand children, already computed, twenty thousand
may be reserved for breed, whereof only one fourth part to be males;
which is more than we allow to sheep, black cattle, or swine, and my
reason is, that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, a
circumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore, one male will
be sufficient to serve four females. That the remaining hundred
thousand may, at a year old, be offered in sale to the persons of
quality and fortune, through the kingdom, always advising the mother to
let them suck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them
plump, and fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an
entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or
hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little
pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially
in winter.
I have reckoned upon a medium, that a child just born will weigh 12
pounds, and in a solar year, if tolerably nursed, encreaseth to 28
pounds.
I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper for
landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seem
to have the best title to the children.
Infant’s flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more
plentiful in March, and a little before and after; for we are told by a
grave author, an eminent French physician, that fish being a prolifick
dyet, there are more children born in Roman Catholick countries about
nine months after Lent, than at any other season; therefore, reckoning
a year after Lent, the markets will be more glutted than usual, because
the number of Popish infants, is at least three to one in this kingdom,
and therefore it will have one other collateral advantage, by lessening
the number of Papists among us.
I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar’s child (in
which list I reckon all cottagers, labourers, and four-fifths of the
farmers) to be about two shillings per annum, rags included; and I
believe no gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcass
of a good fat child, which, as I have said, will make four dishes of
excellent nutritive meat, when he hath only some particular friend, or
his own family to dine with him. Thus the squire will learn to be a
good landlord, and grow popular among his tenants, the mother will have
eight shillings neat profit, and be fit for work till she produces
another child.
Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may
flay the carcass; the skin of which, artificially dressed, will make
admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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