It was six months after his entrance into his silent abode that a letter
came for him.
“By rights, Culross,” said the warden, “I should not give this letter
to you. It isn't the sort we approve of. But you're in for a good spell,
and if there is anything that can make life seem more tolerable, I don't
know but you're entitled to it. At least, I'm not the man to deny it to
you.”
This was the letter:--
“MY DEAR FRIEND,--I hope you do not think that all these months, when
you have been suffering so terribly, I have been thinking of other
things! But I am sure you know the truth. You know that I could not send
you word or come to see you, or I would have done it. When I first heard
of what you had done, I saw it all as it happened,--that dreadful scene,
I mean, in the saloon. I am sure I have imagined everything just as it
was. I begged papa to help you, but he was very angry. You see, papa was
so peculiar. He thought more of the appearances of things, perhaps, than
of facts. It infuriated him to think of me as being concerned about you
or with you. I did not know he could be so angry, and his anger did not
die, but for days it cast such a shadow over me that I used to wish I
was dead. Only I would not disobey him, and now I am glad of that. We
were in France three months, and then, coming home, papa died. It was
on the voyage. I wish he had asked me to forgive him, for then I think
I could have remembered him with more tenderness. But he did nothing of
the kind. He did not seem to think he had done wrong in any way, though
I feel that some way we might have saved you. I am back here in Chicago
in the old home. But I shall not stay in this house. It is so large
and lonesome, and I always see you and father facing each other angrily
there in the parlor when I enter it. So I am going to get me some cosey
rooms in another part of the city, and take my aunt, who is a sweet old
lady, to live with me; and I am going to devote my time--all of it--and
all of my brains to getting you out of that terrible place. What is the
use of telling me that you are a murderer? Do I not know you could not
be brought to hurt anything? I suppose you must have killed that poor
man, but then it was not you, it was that dreadful drink--it was Me!
That is what continually haunts me. If I had been a braver girl, and
spoken the words that were in my heart, you would not have gone into
that place. You would be innocent to-day. It was I who was responsible
for it all. I let father kill your heart right there before me, and
never said a word. Yet I knew how it was with you, and--this is what
I ought to have said then, and what I must say now--and all the time I
felt just as you did. I thought I should die when I saw you go away, and
knew you would never come back again. Only I was so selfish, I was so
wicked, I would say nothing.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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