"Poor Johanna!" Roderich interrupted her; "as devoid of talent as her
mother, and as ugly as myself!"
"Oh, Roderich, you! The most glorious Egmont,--the most enchanting
Leicester!"
"But a very ugly man!" he said, with the brilliant smile that was all
his own, and that really made his plain face handsome. "What you admire
comes from within; there seems to be some kind of a flame there that
flickers interestingly. But this is denied to poor Johanna. And
then--you must see that the Graces have denied her their gifts; the
greatest misfortune for a woman. You have managed that they should
bestow them all upon your little daughter."
He kissed her hand. Johanna could endure it no longer; by a hasty effort
she released herself from her sleeping sister's arm, and stepped
noiselessly out of the room into the corridor, at the end of which was
her own chamber.
She groped her way to the arm-chair beside the window, sank into it, and
gazed into the darkness without. How gay and hopeful she had been while
dressing in this room a few short hours before, and how forlorn and
discouraged she had now returned to it! 'As devoid of talent as her
mother, and as ugly as myself,' had been the words spoken by a voice
whose utterances she believed implicitly; and then again, 'the Graces
have denied her their gifts; the greatest misfortune for a woman.'
Bitterness, such as she had never before known, possessed her. What had
she done to be thus disinherited from the beginning, deprived of all
claim to love and happiness?
Suddenly a joyous thrill drove the blood to her heart. It was not so,
she was not disinherited. Little more than twenty-four hours had passed
since the most truthful of men had said to her in effect, 'You were my
ideal; ugly and awkward as you are, I saw in you the embodiment of all
loveliness.' If he saw it in her no longer, it was because of a
mistake,--a misunderstanding. She would prove to him that she had lost
nothing of value, that she was still worthy the love of former days.
Why should she do this? She did not love Ludwig. No, no, she did not
love him. Only in contrast with her father's cruel verdict did she find
pleasure in his words of yesterday, and the impetuous throbbing of her
heart was but the result of the various emotions that had besieged it
during the past few hours.
If she only had not undergone that one experience! To stand there and
not be mistress of her motions; to will to speak, and not be able to
give to her words the meaning she desired; to be stared at by all those
unsympathetic eyes, to be conscious of exciting contemptuous pity.
'Devoid of talent as her mother, and ugly as myself,' rang in her ears
again.
She would rid herself of this torment. And she arose, lit a candle, and
then first perceived a letter lying upon her table.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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