A Parody Outline of History: Wherein May Be Found a Curiously Irreverent Treatment of American Historical Events, Imagining Them as They Would Be Narrated by America's Most Characteristic Contemporary AuthorsStewart, Donald Ogden
History
A Parody Outline of History: Wherein May Be Found a Curiously Irreverent Treatment of American Historical Events, Imagining Them as They Would Be Narrated by America's Most Characteristic Contemporary Authors
Stewart, Donald Ogden
Parodies; United States -- History -- Humor
That was my first meeting with that admirable statesman Woodrow Wilson,
and I am happy to state that from that night we became firm friends.
When Mr. Wilson was inaugurated in 1913 I called on him at the White
House, taking with me some members of my Yale drama class. Each one of
us had an edition of the president's admirable "History of the American
People", and I am glad to say that he was kind enough to autograph each
of the ten volumes for all of us.
Early in Mr. Wilson's second term as president, just before the break
with Germany, I was sitting in the quiet of my library rereading
Browning's "Cristina". When I came to the third stanza I leaped to my
feet--the thing seemed incredible, but here before my eyes was actually
Browning's prophetic message to America in regard to the submarine
sinkings.
"Oh, we're sunk enough here, God knows! But not so sunk that
moments--etc." It is an extraordinary evidence of the man's genius that
in 1840 he should have perhaps foreseen prophetically the happenings
of seventy-six years later! Not only did Browning seem to know what was
bound to happen, but he told us the remedy. I sat right down and wrote
to my good friend the president, enclosing a marked copy of the poem. On
the sixth of April, 1917, war was declared.
May 7, 1912, was the one hundredth anniversary of the birth of Robert
Browning. On that memorable date I was traveling to Ohio at the request
of my dear friend Miss Jones to deliver an address at the Columbus
School for Girls. Curiously enough the name of my Pullman car was
Pauline. Not only did that strike me as remarkable, but I occupied upper
berth number 9 in car 11, two numbers which, added together, produced
the exact age at which Browning published the poem of that name. At once
I recited the opening lines, "Pauline, mine own, bend o'er me--thy soft
breast shall pant to mine--bend o'er me," to the porter.
I like to believe that the spirit of Browning arranged that entire
journey, for the other occupant of this well-omened berth was that
admirable statesman Warren G. Harding. When I sat down I noticed that
he was reading Henry Sydnor Harrison's "Queed", a book which was justly
popular at that time. I at once showed Mr. Harding an article I had
written in which I stated that not only was "Queed" a real novel, with
a real plot, and real characters, but that I believed the readers were
stimulated by the spiritual advance of the hero. The future president
agreed with me and said he thought that literature was a great thing.
Encouraged by this I confessed that I was on my way to deliver a lecture
on modern poetry. Mr. Harding replied that he thought poetry was a great
thing. "Splendid!" I cried, and taking a copy of Browning from my bag I
read him several selections. Mr. Harding said that of the American poets
he liked James Whitcomb Riley best. Personally, while I have for Mr.
Riley only wonder and praise, I think that the English poet strikes a
more inspiring, more eternal note.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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