A Parody Outline of History: Wherein May Be Found a Curiously Irreverent Treatment of American Historical Events, Imagining Them as They Would Be Narrated by America's Most Characteristic Contemporary AuthorsStewart, Donald Ogden
History
A Parody Outline of History: Wherein May Be Found a Curiously Irreverent Treatment of American Historical Events, Imagining Them as They Would Be Narrated by America's Most Characteristic Contemporary Authors
Stewart, Donald Ogden
Parodies; United States -- History -- Humor
Well last Thurs. I and Prudence drove old Bessy down to Boston Bessy is
are horse see Ethen which is about 13 mi. from here Boston I mean Ethen
as the crow flys only no crow would ever fly to Boston if he could
help it because all the crows that ever flew to Boston was shot by
them lousie taverin keepers to make meals out of Ethen I never tast
it nothing so rotten in my life as the meals they give us there & the
priceis would knock your I out. 3 shillings for a peace of stake about
as big as your I, and 4 pence for a cup of coffy. The streets sent the
only thing about Boston thats crook it. Them taverin keepers is crook it
to I mean see Ethen.
After supper I & her was walking a round giving the town the double O
when we seen that Fanny Ewell Hall was all lit up like Charley Davis on
Sat. night & I says to Prudence lets go inside I think its free and
she says I bet you knowed it was free al right befor you ast me & sure
enough it was free only I hadnt knowed it before only I guess that
Prudence knows that when I say a thing it is generally O. K. Well Fanny
Ewell Hall was pack jam full of people & we couldnt see nothing because
there was a cockide stiff standing right in front of us & jumping up &
down & yelling No T. No T. at the top of his lunges & Prudence says well
why dont you take coffy or milk & for Gods sake stay offen my foot & he
turns to her & says maddam do you want T. & slavery & she says no coffy
& a hot dog just kidding him see Ethen & he says maddam no T. shall ever
land & she says no but my husbend will in a bout 1 min. & I was just
going to plank him 1 when the door behint us bust open & a lot of
indyans come in yelling every body down to Grifins worf there is going
to be a T. party only Ethen they wasnt indyans at all but jest wite men
drest up to look like indyans & I says to a fello those aint indyans &
he say no how did you guess it & I says because I have seen real indyans
many a time & he says to a nother fello say Bill here is a man who says
them sent real indyans & the other fello says gosh I dont believe it
& they laffed only the laff was on them Ethen because they wasnt real
indyans & that is only tipical of how you cant tell these Boston swelt
heds nothing & I guess if they had ever seen a real indyan they would of
known better than to laff. Well I and Prudence follered the crowd down
to Grifins worf & them indyans which was only wite men drest up clumb
onto a ship there & begun throwing the cargo into Boston harber & I says
to a fello what is in them boxes & he says T. & I says well why are they
throwing it away & he says because they do not want to pay the tacks
which is about as sensable Ethen if I was to rite a lot of letters &
then as fast as I rote I would tare it up because I did not want to pay
for a stamp. Well I says somebody ought to catch he--ll for this & he
says are you a torie & I seen he was trying to kid me & I says no I am
a congregationalis & a loyal subject of king Geo. Rex & he says o I
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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