A Parody Outline of History: Wherein May Be Found a Curiously Irreverent Treatment of American Historical Events, Imagining Them as They Would Be Narrated by America's Most Characteristic Contemporary AuthorsStewart, Donald Ogden
History
A Parody Outline of History: Wherein May Be Found a Curiously Irreverent Treatment of American Historical Events, Imagining Them as They Would Be Narrated by America's Most Characteristic Contemporary Authors
Stewart, Donald Ogden
Parodies; United States -- History -- Humor
& Prudence is gone to stay with her sister in Conk Cord & here I am
camping in a tent with a lot of other minit men on the out skirts of
Boston & there is a roomer a round camp that to morrow we are going to
move over to Bunker Hill which is a good name for a Boston Hill Ill say
& Ethen if you was to of told me a mo. ago that I would be fighting to
get Boston away from the Brittish I would of planked you 1 because they
could of had Boston for all I cared. Well Ethen I must go out and drill
some more now & probably we will half to listen to some Boston bird
makeing a speech they are great fellos for speeches about down with
Brittish tirrany & give me liberty or give me death but if you was
to ast me Ethen I would say give me back that house & barn what those
lousie redcotes burnt & when this excitement is all over what I want to
know is Ethen where do I get off at. Yrs Ed.
Chapter Six
THE WHISKY REBELLION.
In the Bedtime Story Manner of Thornton W. Burgess
"Just the DAY for a Whisky Rebellion," said Aunt Polly and off she ran,
lipperty-lipperty-lip, to get a few shooting rifles.
"Oh goody goody," cried little Emily. "Now we can all shoot at those
horrid Revenue Officers," for the collectors of internal revenue were
far from popular with these kindly Pennsylvania folk and Aunt Polly
Pinkwood had often promised the children that if they were good some day
they would be allowed to take a shot at a Revenue Officer.
Soon she returned, bearing in her arms a number of bright shiny new
guns. The children crowded around in glee and soon all were supplied
with weapons except little Frank who of course was too young to use a
gun and was given a two-gallon jug of nice, old whisky to carry. Jed
hitched up old Taylor, the faithful farm horse, and as quick as you
could say Jack Robinson the little ones had piled into the old carryall.
Round Mr. Sun was just peeping over the Purple Hills when the merry
little party started on its way, singing and laughing at the prospect of
the day's sport.
"I bet I kill five Revenue Officers," said little Edgar.
"Ha Ha Ha--you boaster, you," laughed Aunt Polly. "You will be lucky if
you kill two, for I fear they will be hard to find today."
"Oh do you think so, Aunt Polly?" said little Elinor and she began to
cry, for Elinor dearly loved to shoot.
"Hush dear," said Miss Pinkwood with a kindly pat, for she loved her
little charges and it hurt her to see them unhappy. "I was only joking.
And now children I will tell you a story."
"Oh goody goody," cried they all. "Tell us a true story."
"All right," said Aunt Polly. "I shall tell you a true story," and she
began.
"Once there was a brave handsome man--"
"Mr. Welsbach," cried the children with one voice, for it was well
known in the neighborhood that Aunt Polly had long been sweet on Julius
Welsbach, the popular superintendent of the Sabbath School and the best
whisky maker for miles around.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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