A Parody Outline of History: Wherein May Be Found a Curiously Irreverent Treatment of American Historical Events, Imagining Them as They Would Be Narrated by America's Most Characteristic Contemporary AuthorsStewart, Donald Ogden
History
A Parody Outline of History: Wherein May Be Found a Curiously Irreverent Treatment of American Historical Events, Imagining Them as They Would Be Narrated by America's Most Characteristic Contemporary Authors
Stewart, Donald Ogden
Parodies; United States -- History -- Humor
Well the other night I and Prudence was sound asleep when I heard some
body banging at the frt. door & I stuck my head out the up stares window
& I says who are you & he says I am Paul Revear & I says well this is a
h--ll of a time to be wakeing a peaceiful man out of their bed what do
you want & he says the Brittish are comeing & I says o are they well
this is the 19 of April not the 1st & I was going down stares to plank
him 1 but he had rode away tow wards Lexington before I had a chanct
& as it turned out after words the joke was on me O. K. Well who is it
says Prudence Charley Davis again because you might as well come back
to bed if it is & I says no it was some Boston smart alick trying to be
funny & I guess they are soar down there on acct. what hapened to their
prize fish up here last mo. & are trying to get even do you know a Paul
Revear & she says yes there was a boy at school named Paul Revear who
was crazy about me was he dark well Ethen if all the fellos she says has
been crazy about her was layed end to end they would circum navygate the
globe twicet & I says no he was yello & that had her stopt so we went
back to sleep only I couldn't help laffing over the way I had slipt it
across. About Revear being yello. Well along a bout A. M. there was a
lot of gun firing tow wards Lexington & Prudence grabed me & says whets
the shooting for & I says probably that fello Revear who was so crazy
a bout you has got funny oncet to oft ten & it will teach them Boston
doodes a lesson. Well Ethen I was wrong for oncet & the firing kept
getting worse & I hitcht up old Bessy & drove over to Lexington Bessy is
are horse & Ethen there was the h--ll to pay there because the g--d
d--m Brittish redcotes had marcht nup from Boston & had fired on the
Lexington fellos & Charley Davis had been shot dead & a lot of the other
fellos was wooned it & they said you had better get your wife to the
h--ll out of your house because the g--d d--m Brittish redcotes are
coming back & they will burn everything along the rode the ---- I guess
you know what word goes there Ethen & I was so d--m mad at those g--d
d--m Brittish redcotes on acct. shooting Charley Davis dead that I said
give me a gun & show me the ---- who done it & they says no you had
better get your wife to a safe place to go to & then you can come back
because the ---- will be along this way again the ----. Well I drove as
fast as I could back to the farm & somebody had already told Prudence
what had hapend & as soon as I drove into the yd. she come out with my
muskit & hand it it to me & says dont you worry about me but you kill
every d--m redcote you can see & I says the ----s has killed Charley
Davis & she says I know it & here is all the bullits I could find. Well
when I got back to Lexington the redcotes was just coming along & Ethen
I guess they wont forget that march back to Boston for a little whiles
& I guess I wont either because the ----s burnt down my house & barn
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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