A Parody Outline of History: Wherein May Be Found a Curiously Irreverent Treatment of American Historical Events, Imagining Them as They Would Be Narrated by America's Most Characteristic Contemporary Authors — John Shaqi
A Parody Outline of History: Wherein May Be Found a Curiously Irreverent Treatment of American Historical Events, Imagining Them as They Would Be Narrated by America's Most Characteristic Contemporary AuthorsStewart, Donald Ogden
History
A Parody Outline of History: Wherein May Be Found a Curiously Irreverent Treatment of American Historical Events, Imagining Them as They Would Be Narrated by America's Most Characteristic Contemporary Authors
Stewart, Donald Ogden
Parodies; United States -- History -- Humor
When they awoke round Mr. Sun was just sinking behind the Purple Hills
and so, after taking a few more scattered shots at Revenue Officers,
they piled once more into the carryall and drove back to town. And
as they passed Mrs. Oliphant's house (Aunt Polly's sister) Aunt Flo
Oliphant came out on the porch and waved her handkerchief at the merry
party.
"Let's give her a cheer," said Fred.
"Agreed," cried they all, and so twelve little throats united in three
lusty "huzzahs" which made Auntie Flo very happy you may be sure.
And as they drove up before the Pinkwoods' modest home twelve tired but
happy children with one accord voted the Whisky Rebellion capital fun
and Aunt Polly a brick.
CHAPTER SEVEN
HOW LOVE CAME TO GENERAL GRANT
In the Manner of Harold Bell Wright
On a brisk winter evening in the winter of 1864 the palatial Fifth
Avenue "palace" of Cornelius van der Griff was brilliantly lighted with
many brilliant lights. Outside the imposing front entrance a small group
of pedestrians had gathered to gape enviously at the invited guests of
the "four hundred" who were beginning to arrive in elegant equipages,
expensive ball-dresses and fashionable "swallowtails".
"Hully gee!" exclaimed little Frank, a crippled newsboy who was the only
support of an aged mother, as a particularly sumptuous carriage drove
up and a stylishly dressed lady of fifty-five or sixty stepped out
accompanied by a haughty society girl and an elderly gentleman in
clerical dress. It was Mrs. Rhinelander, a social leader, and her
daughter Geraldine, together with the Rev. Dr. Gedney, pastor of an
exclusive Fifth Avenue church.
"What common looking people," said Mrs. Rhinelander, surveying the crowd
aristocratically with her lorgnette.
"Yes, aren't they?" replied the clergyman with a condescending glance
which ill befit his clerical garb.
"I'm glad you don't have people like that dans votre eglise, Dr.
Gedney," said young Geraldine, who thought it was "smart" to display her
proficiency in the stylish French tongue. At this moment the door of the
van der Griff residence was opened for them by an imposing footman in
scarlet livery and they passed into the abode of the "elect".
"Hully gee!" repeated little Frank.
"What's going on to-night?" asked a newcomer.
"Gee--don't youse know?" answered the newsboy. "Dis is de van der
Griffs' and tonight dey are giving a swell dinner for General Grant. Dat
lady wot just went in was old Mrs. Rhinelander. I seen her pitcher in
de last Harper's Weekly and dere was a story in de paper dis morning dat
her daughter Geraldine was going to marry de General."
"That isn't so," broke in another. "It was just a rumor."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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