A Parody Outline of History: Wherein May Be Found a Curiously Irreverent Treatment of American Historical Events, Imagining Them as They Would Be Narrated by America's Most Characteristic Contemporary AuthorsStewart, Donald Ogden
History
A Parody Outline of History: Wherein May Be Found a Curiously Irreverent Treatment of American Historical Events, Imagining Them as They Would Be Narrated by America's Most Characteristic Contemporary Authors
Stewart, Donald Ogden
Parodies; United States -- History -- Humor
"Well, anyway," said Frank, "I wisht de General would hurry up and
come--it's getting cold enough to freeze the tail off a brass monkey."
The onlookers laughed merrily at his humorous reference to the frigid
temperature, although many cast sympathetic looks at his thin threadbare
garments and registered a kindly thought for this brave boy who so
philosophically accepted the buffets of fate.
"I bet this is him now," cried Frank, and all waited expectantly as a
vehicle drove up. The cabman jumped off his box and held the carriage
door open.
"Here you are, Miss Flowers," he said, touching his hat respectfully.
A silver peal of rippling laughter sounded from the interior of the
carriage.
"Why Jerry," came in velvet tones addressed to the coachman, "You
mustn't be so formal just because I have come to New York to live.
Call me 'Miss Ella,' of course, just like you did when we lived out in
Kansas," and with these words Miss Ella Flowers, for it was she, stepped
out of the carriage.
A hush fell on the crowd as they caught sight of her face--a hush of
silent tribute to the clear sweet womanhood of that pure countenance.
A young man on the edge of the crowd who was on the verge of becoming
a drunkard burst into tears and walked rapidly away to join the nearest
church. A pr-st---te who had been plying her nefarious trade on the
avenue, sank to her knees to pray for strength to go back to her aged
parents on the farm. Another young man, catching sight of Ella's pure
face, vowed to write home to his old mother and send her the money he
had been expending in the city on drinks and dissipation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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