A Proposal Under Difficulties: A FarceBangs, John Kendrick
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A Proposal Under Difficulties: A Farce
Bangs, John Kendrick
American drama -- 19th century; Comedy plays; Marriage proposals -- Drama; New York (N.Y.) -- Drama
_Barlow._ Well, perhaps I do; but I've nothing to conceal, and you have.
You've been behaving in a most incomprehensible fashion this afternoon,
as if you owned the house.
_Yardsley._ Well, what of it? Do you own it?
_Barlow._ No, I don't, but--
_Yardsley._ But you hope to. Well, I have no such mercenary motive. I'm
not after the house.
_Barlow_ (_bristling up_). After the house? Mercenary motive? I demand
an explanation of those words. What do you mean?
_Yardsley._ I mean this, Jack Barlow: I mean that I am here for--for my
own reasons; but you--you have come here for the purpose of--
[_DOROTHY enters with a tray, upon which are the tea things._
_Barlow_ (_about to retort to YARDSLEY, perceiving DOROTHY_). Ah! Let
me assist you.
_Dorothy._ Thank you so much. I really believe I never needed help more.
(_She delivers the tray to BARLOW, who sets it on the table. DOROTHY,
exhausted, drops into a chair._) Fan me--quick--or I shall faint.
I've--I've had an awful time, and I really don't know what to do!
_Barlow_ and _Yardsley_ (_together_). Why, what's the matter?
_Yardsley._ I hope the house isn't on fire?
_Barlow._ Or that you haven't been robbed?
_Dorothy._ No, no; nothing like that. It's--it's about Jennie.
_Yardsley_ (_nervously_). Jennie? Wha--wha--what's the matter with
Jennie?
_Dorothy._ I only wish I knew. I--
_Yardsley_ (_aside_). I'm glad you don't.
_Barlow._ What say?
_Yardsley._ I didn't say anything. Why should I say anything? I haven't
anything to say. If people who had nothing to say would not insist upon
talking, you'd be--
_Dorothy._ I heard the poor girl weeping down-stairs, and when I went to
the dumb-waiter to ask her what was the matter, I heard--I heard a man's
voice.
_Yardsley._ Man's voice?
_Barlow._ Man's voice is what Miss Andrews said.
_Dorothy._ Yes; it was Hicks, our coachman, and he was dreadfully angry
about something.
_Yardsley_ (_sinking into chair_). Good Lord! Hicks! Angry!
At--something!
_Dorothy._ He was threatening to kill somebody.
_Yardsley._ This grows worse and worse! Threatening to kill somebody!
D-did-did you o-over-overhear huh-huh-whom he was going to kuk-kill?
_Barlow._ What's the matter with you, Yardsley? Are you going to die of
fright, or have you suddenly caught a chill?
_Dorothy._ Oh, I hope not! Don't die here, anyhow, Mr. Yardsley. If you
must die, please go home and die. I couldn't stand another shock to-day.
Why, really, I was nearly frightened to death. I don't know now but
what I ought to send for the police, Hicks was so violent.
_Barlow._ Perhaps she and Hicks have had a lovers' quarrel.
_Yardsley._ Very likely; very likely, indeed. I think that is no doubt
the explanation of the whole trouble. Lovers will quarrel. They were
engaged, you know.
_Dorothy_ (_surprised_). No, I didn't know it. Were they? Who told you?
_Yardsley_ (_discovering his mistake_). Why--er--wasn't it you said so,
Miss Dorothy? Or you, Barlow?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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