"How pure the night is, and how soft. When I was a child at Sallach, I
had a German governess who knew the names of all the stars. She taught
me to recognize them. I can find them still: there is the Pole Star and
Cassiopeia and the Great Bear and Arcturus and Vega. They are always in
the same place. They were there before we were born, and will be after
we are dead. Do you ever think of it--that the night looked just the
same to Marie Antoinette, Mary Stuart, Cleopatra, all the women who,
across the years and the centuries, represent immense disasters, tragic
sorrows, and splendid fame? Do you ever think that they have watched
this same moon and these stars in the same part of the heavens, and with
the same eyes as ours, with the same delight and sadness; and that they
have passed away as we shall beneath these motionless stars, eternally
indifferent to our joy and misery? When these thoughts come to me, when
I think of what poor creatures we are, with all our agonies that cannot
move an atom of this immensity, I ask myself what matter our laws, our
customs, our prejudices, our vanity in supposing that we are of any
importance in this magnificent eternal and impassive universe. I say to
myself that there is but one thing of value here below: to satisfy the
heart, to feel, to drain every emotion to the bottom, to go to the end
of all our desires, in short, to live one's own life, one's real life,
free of all lies and conventions, before we sink into the inevitable
annihilation."
There was something frightful in hearing these nihilistic words on the
lips of this beautiful young woman, and on such a night, in such a
scene. To the tender and religious Madame Brion these words were all the
more painful since they were spoken with the same voice that had
directed the croupier where to place the final stake. She greatly
admired Ely for that high intelligence which enabled her to read all
books, to write in four or five languages, to converse with the most
distinguished men and on every subject.
Trained until her seventeenth year in the solid German manner, the
Baroness Ely had found, at first in the society of the Archduke, then in
her life in Italy, an opportunity for an exceptional culture from which
her supple mind of a demi-Slave had profited.
Alas! of what use was that learning, that facile comprehension, that
power of expression, since she had not learned to govern her
caprices--as could be seen in the attitude at the roulette table--nor to
govern her thoughts--which was too well shown by the sombre creed that
she had just confessed? That inner want, among so many gifts and
accomplishments, once more oppressed the faithful friend, who had never
brought herself to admit the existence of certain ideas in her companion
of Sacré-Cœur. And she said:--
"You speak again as though you did not believe in another life. Is it
possible that you are sincere?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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