"No," replied Madame de Carlsberg, "his name is Olivier du Prat. I met
him at Rome two years ago when I was spending the winter there. That was
the period of my life when I saw you least, and wrote to you least
frequently. It was also the time when I was the most wicked, owing to
solitude, inaction, unhappiness, and my disgust with everything,
especially with myself. This man was the secretary of one of the two
French embassies. He was much lionized because of the passion, he had
inspired in two Roman ladies, who almost openly disputed his favors. It
is very ignoble, what I am going to tell you, but such was the truth. It
amused me to win him from them both. In that kind of an adventure, just
as in play, one expects to find the emotions that others have found in
it, and then the result is the same as in roulette. One is bored with
it, and one throws one's self into the game from wilfulness and vanity,
in the excitement of an absurd struggle. I know now," and her voice
became graver, "that I never loved Olivier, but that I so persisted in
this liaison that he would have the right to say that I wished him to
love me, that I wished to be his mistress, and that I did all I could to
retain him. He was a singular character, very different from those
professional lovers, who are for the most part frightfully vulgar. He
was so changeable, so protean, so full of contrasts, so intangible, that
to this day I cannot tell whether he loved me or not. You hear me in a
dream, and I am speaking as in a dream. I feel that there was something
inexplicable in our relations, something unintelligible to a third
person. I have never met a being so disconcerting, so irritating, from
the endless uncertainty he kept you in, no matter what you did. One day
he would be emotional, tremulous, passionate even to frenzy, and on the
morrow, sometimes the same day, he would recoil within himself from
confidence to suspicion, from tenderness to persiflage, from abandonment
to irony, from love to cruelty, without it being possible either to
doubt his sincerity or to discover the cause of this incredible
alteration. He had these humors not only in his emotions, but even in
his ideas. I have seen him moved to tears by a visit to the Catacombs,
and on returning as outrageously atheistical as the Archduke. In society
I have seen him hold twenty people enraptured by the charm of his
brilliant fancy, and then pass weeks without speaking two words. In
short, he was from head to foot a living enigma, which I penetrate
better at a distance. He had been early left an orphan. His childhood
had been unhappy, and his youth precociously disenchanted. He had been
wounded and corrupted too soon. Thence came that insatiability of soul,
that elusiveness of character which appeared as soon as I became
interested in him in a kind of spasmodic force. When I was young at
Sallach I loved to mount difficult horses and try to master them. I
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