Amid such thoughts be fell into that feverish, half slumber in which
dreams and reality are often so strangely blended. We know that we are
in bed, know that we are dreaming, and yet cannot prevent the creations
of our fancy from appearing before us, surrounding us like substantial
forms, and arbitrarily forcing their existence upon us. Such was the
case with Heinrich. His mind was busily weaving the torn threads of his
thoughts into fairy-like figures, at first quaint like arabesques, but
by degrees revealing a strange secret connection. The faces became more
and more distinct as his consciousness of the outside world grew dim.
He still felt vaguely that egotism and ideality were waging a fierce
battle in his heart, and by degrees the ideal he could no longer think
of in the abstract assumed a bodily form. There seemed to be something
in the room which terrified him,--something that crawled and glided
over the floor. "Do not fear," it whispered hypocritically. "I do not
come to destroy but to aid. I am the impulse of self-preservation, and
when in aristocratic society I cultivate my mind and call myself
Egotism." The shape writhed and glided nearer, while over _Heinrich's_
head sounded a melodious yet powerful rustling of wings, and a voice
from above rang like the low notes of an organ, "Fear not, I am the
Genius of the Ideal, and will save you."
Heinrich gasped for breath, he feared the whispering, ghostly
apparitions that surrounded him, his breast and neck seemed bound with
heavy cords, he strove to cry out but his voice refused to obey him, he
tried to open his eyes but in vain; he only felt the overmastering
presence of the two original elements of humanity, and his ear thrilled
at their words. "See what cowardly monsters you men are!" laughed the
fiend on the floor. "You carry hideous forms within you and think you
imperiously rule them, but recoil in horror when you have conjured them
from the secret depths of your hearts. I was nearer to you when in your
own breast than I am now, yet you fostered and cherished me; now that I
appear before you, you fear me."
The voice above murmured: "Compose yourself, we are only the powers you
have felt struggling within your soul, but now we have united in the
common object of gratifying your wishes, for your folly will never be
satisfied until you perceive the vanity of your desires. Your wishes
shall be fulfilled, that you may learn to perceive in what the end of
life and true happiness consist."
"Oh, mighty beings!" groaned Heinrich, "we are so proud of what we
accomplish by your aid, and yet it is we who serve you while you do
everything. What sustains us, that in our weakness we do not fall
helpless victims to one or the other of you?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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