_Cank._ Let me see (_pulling out his Watch_) 'tis now half an hour after Seven. By this time the Fate of the Suspicious Husband is determined; applauded to the Skies; or damned beyond Redemption; its Author crowned with Laurel, or covered with Shame. Sure they can't approve it! And yet the Stings I felt at the reading [of] it give me presaging Pangs of its Success. (_Sighs deeply_) It has its Beauties I must confess. Why should I thus grieve at a young Author's approaching Fame? His Throes and Pangs lest it should fail have been far short of mine lest it should succeed; nor would the Author's Joy for its kind Reception equal my secret Rapture at its irretrievable Disgrace. What is this that like a slow but infallible Poison corrodes my Vitals and destroys my Peace of Mind? Emulation? (_Shakes his head and sighs_) I am afraid the World will call it Envy. All Mankind has some, but Authors most; and we can better brook a Rival in our Love than in our Fame. What can detain this Rascal? I am upon the Rack to know how it goes on--let me see, in what Manner would I have it treated? In the first Act I would have them applaud it violently,--in the second and third be coldly attentive,--in the fourth begin to groan, horse laugh and whistle,--and in the fifth just before the Catastrophe, one and all cry aloud, off, off, off! The Epilogue! The Epilogue! O that would be delightful! Exquisite! (_Enter_ FOOTMAN) So Sir! You Blockhead, how came you to stay so long? But first tell me how the Play was received; whereabouts did they begin to hiss? _Foot._ Hiss! he, he, he, Lard, Zir, why they did not hiss at all. _Cank._ You lye, you Rascal! (_Gives him a box_) _Foot._ Zir! _Cank._ I say they did hiss. _Foot._ Hiss quotha!--I am zure you have made my Ear hiss--and zing too, I think; why pray Zir, what did'st give me such a Wherrit var? _Cank._ How shamefully I expose my weakness to my Servant. I would know the truth, but I cannot bear to hear it. (_Aside_) Come, Sir, tell me (_Sits down in a great Chair_) how was it received? But first what made you stay so long? Did I not order you to hearken at the Pit Door and bring me Word at the end of every Act how it went on? _Foot._ Yes Zir; you did zo, Zir; but the Vauk zhut the Door, and then I could zee nothing at all o' the Matter.--Zo I begged them to open the door as I might zee through it; but they were zo ztout that they would do no zuch thing, they zaid. Zo then I went up to the Lobby--and there I met with an auld Vellow Zervant out of Zomersetshire. Zo he and I went up to the Footman's Gallery that I might give my Vardie of the matter to your Honour when I came Home. _Cank._ And why did you not come away at the End of the first Act? _Foot._ Why faith to tell your Honour the truth it made me laugh zo I could not vind in my Heart to leave it. _Cank._ Rascal, how dare you tell me it made you laugh? (_Strikes him_)