LORD ILLINGWORTH. Quite serious, Mr. Kelvil. [_To_ MRS. ALLONBY.] Vulgar habit that is people have nowadays of asking one, after one has given them an idea, whether one is serious or not. Nothing is serious except passion. The intellect is not a serious thing, and never has been. It is an instrument on which one plays, that is all. The only serious form of intellect I know is the British intellect. And on the British intellect the illiterates play the drum. LADY HUNSTANTON. What are you saying, Lord Illingworth, about the drum? LORD ILLINGWORTH. I was merely talking to Mrs. Allonby about the leading articles in the London newspapers. LADY HUNSTANTON. But do you believe all that is written in the newspapers? LORD ILLINGWORTH. I do. Nowadays it is only the unreadable that occurs. [_Rises with_ MRS. ALLONBY.] LADY HUNSTANTON. Are you going, Mrs. Allonby? MRS. ALLONBY. Just as far as the conservatory. Lord Illingworth told me this morning that there was an orchid there as beautiful as the seven deadly sins. LADY HUNSTANTON. My dear, I hope there is nothing of the kind. I will certainly speak to the gardener. [_Exit_ MRS. ALLONBY _and_ LORD ILLINGWORTH.] LADY CAROLINE. Remarkable type, Mrs. Allonby. LADY HUNSTANTON. She lets her clever tongue run away with her sometimes. LADY CAROLINE. Is that the only thing, Jane, Mrs. Allonby allows to run away with her? LADY HUNSTANTON. I hope so, Caroline, I am sure. [_Enter_ LORD ALFRED.] Dear Lord Alfred, do join us. [LORD ALFRED _sits down beside_ LADY STUTFIELD.] LADY CAROLINE. You believe good of every one, Jane. It is a great fault. LADY STUTFIELD. Do you really, really think, Lady Caroline, that one should believe evil of every one? LADY CAROLINE. I think it is much safer to do so, Lady Stutfield. Until, of course, people are found out to be good. But that requires a great deal of investigation nowadays. LADY STUTFIELD. But there is so much unkind scandal in modern life. LADY CAROLINE. Lord Illingworth remarked to me last night at dinner that the basis of every scandal is an absolutely immoral certainty. KELVIL. Lord Illingworth is, of course, a very brilliant man, but he seems to me to be lacking in that fine faith in the nobility and purity of life which is so important in this century. LADY STUTFIELD. Yes, quite, quite important, is it not? KELVIL. He gives me the impression of a man who does not appreciate the beauty of our English home-life. I would say that he was tainted with foreign ideas on the subject. LADY STUTFIELD. There is nothing, nothing like the beauty of home-life, is there? KELVIL. It is the mainstay of our moral system in England, Lady Stutfield. Without it we would become like our neighbours. LADY STUTFIELD. That would be so, so sad, would it not?