Great Britain -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Short stories
“What annoys one,” and Mr. Perkins became quite irritable, “is to
examine a schedule after it has been filled and to discover how it has
been misused--simply mangled.
“It is not the public simply who are to blame; they are, of course,
quite hopeless, and have an insane desire to write their names all over
the paper, with family details; but members of the Civil Service abuse
the most admirable forms that ever came out of our office.
“Numerous? Yes, naturally so; and as governmental machinery turns on
schedules they will increase every year. Could you guess, now, the
number of different schedules under our charge?”
“Several hundred, perhaps.”
Mr. Perkins smiled with much complacency. “Sixteen thousand four hundred
and four, besides temporary ones that are only used in emergencies. One
department has now reached twelve hundred and two; it has been admirably
organised, and its secretary could tell you the subject of every form.
“Well, it does not become me to boast, but I have had the honour of
contributing two hundred and twenty myself, and have composed forty-two
more that have not yet been accepted.
“Well, yes,” he admitted, with much modesty, “I have kept copies of the
original drafts,” and he showed me a bound volume of his works.
“An author? It is very good of you to say so,” and Mr. Perkins seemed
much pleased with the idea, twice smiling to himself during the evening,
and saying as we parted, “It's my good fortune to have a large and
permanent circulation.”
All November Mr. Perkins was engaged with what he hoped would be one of
his greatest successes.
“It's a sanitation schedule for the Education Department, and is, I dare
to say, nearly perfect It has eighty-three questions on every point,
from temperature to drains, and will present a complete view of the
physical condition of primary schools.
“You have no idea,” he continued, “what a fight I have had with our
Head to get it through--eight drafts, each one costing three days'
labour--but now he has passed it.
“'Perkins,' he said, 'this is the most exhaustive schedule you have
ever drawn up, and I'm proud it's come through the hands of the drafting
sub-department Whether I can approve it as Head of the publishing
sub-department is very doubtful.'”
“Do you mean that the same man would approve your paper in one
department to-day and...
“Quite so. It's a little difficult for an outsider to appreciate the
perfect order--perhaps I might say symmetry--of the Civil Service,” and
Mr. Perkins spoke with a tone of condescension as to a little child.
“The Head goes himself to the one sub-department in the morning and to
the other in the afternoon, and he acts with absolute impartiality.
“Why, sir,”--Mr. Perkins began to warm and grow enthusiastic,--“I have
received a letter from the other sub-department, severely criticising
a draft he had highly commended in ours two days before, and I saw his
hand in the letter... distinctly; an able review, too, very able indeed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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