Great Britain -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Short stories
“'Very well put, Perkins,' he said to me himself; 'they've found the
weak points; we must send an amended draft;' and so we did, and got a
very satisfactory reply. It was a schedule about swine fever, 972 in
the department of Agriculture. I have had the pleasure of reading it
in public circulation when on my holidays.”
“Does your Head sign the letters addressed to himself?”
“Certainly; letters between departments are always signed by the chief
officer.” Mr. Perkins seemed to have found another illustration
of public ignorance, and recognised his duty as a missionary of
officialism. “It would afford me much pleasure to give you any
information regarding our excellent system, which has been slowly built
up and will repay study; but you will excuse me this evening, as I am
indisposed--a tendency to shiver which annoyed me in the office to-day.”
Next morning I rose half an hour late, as Mr. Perkins did not take
his bath, and was not surprised when Mrs. Holmes came to my room,
overflowing with concern and disconnected speech.
“'E's that regular in 'is ways, that when 'Annah Mariar says 'is water's
at 'is door at eight o'clock, I went up that 'urried that I couldn't
speak; and I 'ears him speaking to 'isself, which is not what you would
expect of him, he being the quietest gentleman as ever...”
“Is Mr. Perkins ill, do you mean?” for Mrs. Holmes seemed now in fair
breath, and was always given to comparative reviews.
“So I knocks and says, 'Mr. Perkins, 'ow are you feeling?' and all
I could 'ear was 'temperance'; it's little as he needs of that, for
excepting a glass of wine at his dinner, and it might be something 'ot
before going to bed in winter....
“So I goes in,” resumed Mrs. Holmes, “an' there 'e was sittin' up in'is
bed, with 'is face as red as fire, an' not knowing me from Adam. If it
wasn't for 'is 'abits an' a-catching of 'is breath you wud 'ave said
drink, for 'e says, 'How often have the drains been sluiced last year?'”
After which I went up to Mr. Perkins' room without ceremony.
He was explaining, with much cogency, as it seemed to me, that unless
the statistics of temperature embraced the whole year, they would
afford no reliable conclusions regarding the sanitary condition of Board
Schools; but when I addressed him by name with emphasis, he came to
himself with a start:
“Excuse me, sir; I must apologise... I really did not hear... in
fact,” and then, as he realised his situation, Mr. Perkins was greatly
embarrassed.
“Did I forget myself so far as... to send for you?... I was not feeling
well. I have a slight difficulty in breathing, but I am quite able to go
to the office... in a cab.
“You are most kind and obliging, but the schedule I am... it just comes
and goes... thank you, no more water... is important and... intricate;
no one... can complete it... except myself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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