Her hand has gone in feverish haste out to his for answer, and her eyes,
into which the tears are welling, look with an intense dumb wistfulness
into his; but, for the moment, it remains dumb. There is something
painful to Burgoyne in that wistfulness, almost more painful than the
telling of that news which has produced it. He looks down upon the
tablecloth, and, with his disengaged hand, the one not imprisoned in his
betrothed's fond hold, draws patterns with a paper-knife accidentally
left there.
"The one thing that I blame her for," he continues, not following up the
branch of the subject that his last speech had begun to open up, and
speaking with a composure which, to the stricken Amelia, appears to
evidence his attainment of the highest pinnacle of manly fortitude, "the
only thing I blame her for, is her having hindered my adopting any
profession. Poor old woman, it was not malice prepense, I know; she had
not seen her Jessamey then, probably had not even a prophetic instinct
of him, but as things turned out"--stifling a sigh--"it would have been
kinder to have put me in the way of earning my own living."
Amelia's head has sunk down upon his hand--he feels her hot tears upon
it; but now that the theme has no longer reference to herself, she can
speak. She straightens herself, and there is a flash, such as he has
very seldom seen there, in her rather colourless orbs.
"It was monstrous of her!" she cries, with the almost exaggerated
passion of a usually very self-controlled person. "After having always
told you that you were to be her heir!"
"But _had_ she told me so?" replies Jim, passing his hand with a
perplexed air over his own face. "That is what I have been trying to
recall for the last few days. I never remember the time when I did not
believe it, so I suppose that someone must have told me so; but I could
not swear that she herself had ever put it down in black and white.
However," tossing his head back with a gesture as of one who throws off
his shoulders a useless burden, "what does that matter now? I am not her
heir, I am nobody's heir; we must look facts in the face! Amelia,
dear"--in a tone of reluctant tender affection, as of one compelled, yet
most unwilling, to give a little child, or some other soft, helpless
creature, pain--"we must look facts in the face!" There is something in
his voice that makes Amelia's heart stand still; but she attempts no
interruption.
"It is very hard for me, dear, after all these"--he pauses a second; he
is about to say "weary years' waiting," but his conscience arrests him;
to him they have not been weary, so, after a hardly-perceptible break,
he goes on--"after all these many years' waiting, to have come to this,
is not it?"
He had not calculated on the effect which would be produced by his
melancholy words and his caressing tone. She buries her face on his
shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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