It's really dreadful the way all you creatures argue. It's enough to drive one crazy. FROG I shall sit here, on and off, for days and days. ALICE But what am I to do? FROG Anything you like. [_He begins to whistle._] ALICE Where's the servant whose business it is to answer the door? FROG Which door? ALICE _This_ door, of course! [Illustration: FROG: I shall sit here till tomorrow.] [_The FROG looks at the door, and rubs his thumb on it to see if the paint will come off._] [Illustration] FROG To answer the door? What's it been asking for? ALICE I don't know what you mean. FROG I speaks English, doesn't I? Or are you deaf? What did it ask you? ALICE Nothing! I've been knocking at it. FROG Shouldn't do that--shouldn't do that, vexes it, you know. [_He kicks the door._] You let _it_ alone, and it'll let _you_ alone, you know. ALICE Oh, there's no use talking to you-- [_She starts to open the door just as the DUCHESS comes out carrying a pig in baby's clothes. She sneezes--FROG sneezes and ALICE sneezes._] DUCHESS If everybody minded her own business-- [_She sneezes._] ALICE It's pepper. DUCHESS Of course, my cook puts it in the soup. ALICE There's certainly too much pepper in the soup. DUCHESS Sneeze then and get rid of it! [_DUCHESS begins to sing to the baby, giving it a violent shake at the end of every line of the lullaby._] "Speak roughly to your little boy, And beat him when he sneezes; [_FROG and ALICE sneeze._] He only does it to annoy, Because he knows it teases. [_DUCHESS sneezes, FROG sneezes, ALICE sneezes._] I speak severely to my boy, I beat him when he sneezes; [_FROG sneezes, ALICE sneezes._] For he can thoroughly enjoy The pepper when he pleases!" [_DUCHESS sneezes, FROG sneezes, ALICE sneezes, DUCHESS gasps and gives a tremendous sneeze._] ALICE Oh dear! [_She jumps aside as kettles and pots come flying out of the door. The DUCHESS pays no attention._] What a cook to have! [_She calls inside._] Oh! _please_ mind what you're doing! [_Another pan comes out and almost hits the baby._] Oh! there goes his _precious_ nose! DUCHESS If everybody minded her own business, the world would go round a deal faster than it does. ALICE Which would not be an advantage. Just think what work it would make with the day and night! You see the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis-- DUCHESS Talking of axes, chop off her head! [_The head of a grinning Cheshire cat appears in a tree above a wall._] ALICE Oh, what's that? DUCHESS Cat, of course. ALICE Why does it grin like that? DUCHESS It's a Cheshire cat! and that's why. [_To baby._] Pig! [Illustration: DUCHESS: I speak severely to my boy, I beat him when he sneezes.] ALICE I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn't know that cats _could_ grin. DUCHESS They all can and most of 'em do. ALICE I don't know of any that do.