All quiet on the Western FrontRemarque, Erich Maria
History
All quiet on the Western Front
Remarque, Erich Maria
War stories; World War, 1914-1918 -- Fiction
Tjaden has a special grudge against Himmelstoss, because of the way
he educated him in the barracks. Tjaden wets his bed, he does it at
night in his sleep. Himmelstoss maintained that it was sheer
laziness and invented a method worthy of himself for curing Tjaden.
He hunted up another piss-a-bed, named Kindervater, from a
neighbouring hut, and quartered him with Tjaden. In the huts there
were the usual bunks, one above the other in pairs, with mattresses
of wire-netting. Himmelstoss put these two so that one occupied the
upper and the other the lower bunk. The man underneath was of course
disgusted. The next night they were changed over and the lower one
put on top so that he could retaliate. That was Himmelstoss's system
of self-education.
The idea was low but not ill-conceived. Unfortunately it
accomplished nothing because the first assumption was wrong: it was
not laziness in either of them. Anyone who looked at their sallow
skin could see that. The matter ended in one of them always sleeping
on the floor, where he frequently caught cold.
Meanwhile Haie sits down beside us. He winks at me and rubs his paws
thoughtfully. We once spent the finest day of our army-life
together--the day before we left for the front. We had been allotted
to one of the recently formed regiments, but were first to be sent
back for equipment to the garrison, not to the reinforcement-depot,
of course, but to another barracks. We were due to leave next
morning early. In the evening we prepared ourselves to square
accounts with Himmelstoss.
We had sworn for weeks past to do this. Kropp had even gone so far
as to propose entering the postal service in peace-time in order to
be Himmelstoss's superior when he became a postman again. He
revelled in the thought of how he would grind him. It was this that
made it impossible for him to crush us altogether--we always reckoned
that later, at the end of the war, we would have our revenge on him.
In the meantime we decided to give him a good hiding. What could he
do to us anyhow if he didn't recognize us and we left early the next
morning?
We knew which pub he used to visit every evening. Returning to the
barracks he had to go along a dark, uninhabited road. There we
waited for him behind a pile of stones. I had a bed-cover with me.
We trembled with suspense, hoping he would be alone. At last we
heard his footstep, which we recognized easily, so often had we heard
it in the mornings as the door flew open and he bawled: "Get up!"
"Alone?" whispered Kropp.
"Alone."
I slipped round the pile of stones with Tjaden.
Himmelstoss seemed a little elevated; he was singing. His
belt-buckle gleamed. He came on unsuspectingly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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