All the Sad Young MenFitzgerald, F. Scott (Francis Scott)
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All the Sad Young Men
Fitzgerald, F. Scott (Francis Scott)
American fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, American
Usually, the passing of the collection box was a significant point for
Rudolph in the services. If, as was often the case, he had no money to
drop in he would be furiously ashamed and bow his head and pretend not
to see the box, lest Jeanne Brady in the pew behind should take notice
and suspect an acute family poverty. But to-day he glanced coldly into
it as it skimmed under his eyes, noting with casual interest the large
number of pennies it contained.
When the bell rang for communion, however, he quivered. There was no
reason why God should not stop his heart. During the past twelve hours
he had committed a series of mortal sins increasing in gravity, and he
was now to crown them all with a blasphemous sacrilege.
"_Domini, non sum dignus; ut interes sub tectum meum; sed tantum dic
verbo, et sanabitur anima mea...._"
There was a rustle in the pews, and the communicants worked their ways
into the aisle with downcast eyes and joined hands. Those of larger
piety pressed together their finger-tips to form steeples. Among these
latter was Carl Miller. Rudolph followed him toward the altar-rail and
knelt down, automatically taking up the napkin under his chin. The bell
rang sharply, and the priest turned from the altar with the white Host
held above the chalice:
"_Corpus Domini nostri Jesu Christi custodiat animam meam in vitam
æternam._"
A cold sweat broke out on Rudolph's forehead as the communion began.
Along the line Father Schwartz moved, and with gathering nausea Rudolph
felt his heart-valves weakening at the will of God. It seemed to him
that the church was darker and that a great quiet had fallen, broken
only by the inarticulate mumble which announced the approach of the
Creator of Heaven and Earth. He dropped his head down between his
shoulders and waited for the blow.
Then he felt a sharp nudge in his side. His father was poking him to sit
up, not to slump against the rail; the priest was only two places away.
"_Corpus Domini nostri Jesu Christi custodiat animam meam in vitam
æternam._"
Rudolph opened his mouth. He felt the sticky wax taste of the wafer on
his tongue. He remained motionless for what seemed an interminable
period of time, his head still raised, the wafer undissolved in his
mouth. Then again he started at the pressure of his father's elbow, and
saw that the people were falling away from the altar like leaves and
turning with blind downcast eyes to their pews, alone with God.
Rudolph was alone with himself, drenched with perspiration and deep in
mortal sin. As he walked back to his pew the sharp taps of his cloven
hoofs were loud upon the floor, and he knew that it was a dark poison he
carried in his heart.
V
"_Sagitta Volante in Dei_"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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