Writing a note to Mr. Dermott, in which; without stating her reasons,
she declined his offer, she dispatched it by one of her own servants,
lately promoted to the office of Abigail, and attired herself for a
walk. It was Saturday, and the weather faultless. A sigh of relief
escaped her when she was in the outer air--she was free for a while.
The streets were densely peopled--dashing ladies, and marble-playing
urchins, glorying in the holiday; bustling, pushing men, and lazy
nurses lugging fat babies; and through the incongruous crowd the pale
thinker threaded her way, jostling and jostled, wrapped in herself,
as they thought but of their individual personality, with this
difference--they seemed happy in their selfishness; she was miserable
in her isolation. She did not see that Pemberton passed her with a
stiff bow, which, in punishment for her non-recognition, he resolved
should be exchanged for a decided "cut" at their next meeting; did not
catch Mr. Purcell's eye, as forgetting her rebuff in his pleasure at
espying one, who could rightly value the prize he had discovered in an
antiquated volume, musty with age, he beckoned to her from the door of
the bookstore; did not hear Emma Glenn's modest "Good morning, Miss
Ida," although she liked the child, and would have loved her if she
had dared. She turned from the busy thoroughfare into an unfrequented
street, keeping the same rapid pace; the mind was working, the body
must be moving too--on, still on, with unflagging speed--'till she
found herself upon the summit of the hill overlooking the lower part
of the city, and near the old church-yard. She stopped, and looked in.
A flight of steps led up to the burying-ground, several feet above
the level of the walk. What tempted her to ascend? She had been there
before, and was not interested--yet the irresolution ended in her
entrance. It was very still in that Acropolis of the dead: the long
grass, yellow in the October sun, waved without rustling; the sere
leaves drifted silently to the ground; from the mass of buildings below
her arose only a measured beat rather than hum--as regular, and not
louder, than the "muffled drum" within her bosom. The warring elements
of discord sank into a troubled rest, but their conflict was easier to
be borne than the reaction that succeeded.
"Free among the dead;" forgotten as they, she sat upon a broken
tombstone, in the shadow of the venerable church, with sorrowful eyes
which looked beyond the city, the river, and the undulating low-grounds
skirting its banks.
She had said to herself an hundred times, "I cannot be happy; it is
folly to hope." But this morning she felt she had never until now
relinquished hope; that despair, for the first time, stalked through
the deserted halls of her heart, and the dreaded echo "alone" answered
his footsteps.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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