Essays; Humorous stories, American; Short stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
So the subject was changed in deference to the children's presence, and
we went on talking about other things. But as soon as the young people
were out of the way, the lady came warmly back to the matter and said,
“I have made it the rule of my life to never tell a lie; and I have
never departed from it in a single instance.” I said, “I don't mean the
least harm or disrespect, but really you have been lying like smoke
ever since I've been sitting here. It has caused me a good deal of pain,
because I am not used to it.” She required of me an instance--just a
single instance. So I said:--
“Well, here is the unfilled duplicate of the blank which the Oakland
hospital people sent to you by the hand of the sick-nurse when she came
here to nurse your little nephew through his dangerous illness. This
blank asks all manner of questions as to the conduct of that sick-nurse:
'Did she ever sleep on her watch? Did she ever forget to give the
medicine?' and so forth and so on. You are warned to be very careful and
explicit in your answers, for the welfare of the service requires that
the nurses be promptly fined or otherwise punished for derelictions.
You told me you were perfectly delighted with that nurse--that she had
a thousand perfections and only one fault: you found you never could
depend on her wrapping Johnny up half sufficiently while he waited in
a chilly chair for her to rearrange the warm bed. You filled up the
duplicate of this paper, and sent it back to the hospital by the hand of
the nurse. How did you answer this question--'Was the nurse at any
time guilty of a negligence which was likely to result in the patient's
taking cold?' Come--everything is decided by a bet here in California:
ten dollars to ten cents you lied when you answered that question.” She
said, “I didn't; I left it blank!” “Just so--you have told a silent lie;
you have left it to be inferred that you had no fault to find in that
matter.” She said, “Oh, was that a lie? And how could I mention her one
single fault, and she so good?--it would have been cruel.” I said, “One
ought always to lie when one can do good by it; your impulse was right,
but, your judgment was crude; this comes of unintelligent practice. Now
observe the result of this inexpert deflection of yours. You know
Mr. Jones's Willie is lying very low with scarlet fever; well, your
recommendation was so enthusiastic that that girl is there nursing him,
and the worn-out family have all been trustingly sound asleep for the
last fourteen hours, leaving their darling with full confidence in
those fatal hands, because you, like young George Washington, have a
reputa--However, if you are not going to have anything to do, I will
come around to-morrow and we'll attend the funeral together, for, of
course, you'll naturally feel a peculiar interest in Willie's case--as
personal a one, in fact, as the undertaker.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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