Essays; Humorous stories, American; Short stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
Speeches like this produced an effect by-and-by. Citizens began to feel
the English yoke; they did not know exactly how or whereabouts they
felt it, but they were perfectly certain they did feel it. They got to
grumbling a good deal, and chafing under their chains, and longing for
relief and release. They presently fell to hating the English flag, that
sign and symbol of their nation's degradation; they ceased to glance
up at it as they passed the capitol, but averted their eyes and grated
their teeth; and one morning, when it was found trampled into the mud at
the foot of the staff, they left it there, and no man put his hand to
it to hoist it again. A certain thing which was sure to happen sooner or
later happened now. Some of the chief citizens went to the magistrate by
night, and said:--
“We can endure this hated tyranny no longer. How can we cast it off?”
“By a coup d'etat.”
“How?”
“A coup d'etat. It is like this: everything is got ready, and at the
appointed moment I, as the official head of the nation, publicly and
solemnly proclaim its independence, and absolve it from allegiance to
any and all other powers whatsoever.”
“That sounds simple and easy. We can do that right away. Then what will
be the next thing to do?”
“Seize all the defenses and public properties of all kinds, establish
martial law, put the army and navy on a war footing, and proclaim the
empire!”
This fine program dazzled these innocents. They said:--
“This is grand--this is splendid; but will not England resist?”
“Let her. This rock is a Gibraltar.”
“True. But about the empire? Do we need an empire and an emperor?”
“What you need, my friends, is unification. Look at Germany; look at
Italy. They are unified. Unification is the thing. It makes living dear.
That constitutes progress. We must have a standing army and a navy.
Taxes follow, as a matter of course. All these things summed up make
grandeur. With unification and grandeur, what more can you want? Very
well--only the empire can confer these boons.”
So on the 8th day of December Pitcairn's Island was proclaimed a free
and independent nation; and on the same day the solemn coronation of
Butterworth I, Emperor of Pitcairn's Island, took place, amid great
rejoicings and festivities. The entire nation, with the exception of
fourteen persons, mainly little children, marched past the throne in
single file, with banners and music, the procession being upward of
ninety feet long; and some said it was as much as three-quarters of a
minute passing a given point. Nothing like it had ever been seen in the
history of the island before. Public enthusiasm was measureless.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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