Essays; Humorous stories, American; Short stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
Now straightway imperial reforms began. Orders of nobility were
instituted. A minister of the navy was appointed, and the whale-boat put
in commission. A minister of war was created, and ordered to proceed at
once with the formation of a standing army. A first lord of the treasury
was named, and commanded to get up a taxation scheme, and also open
negotiations for treaties, offensive, defensive, and commercial, with
foreign powers. Some generals and admirals were appointed; also
some chamberlains, some equerries in waiting, and some lords of the
bedchamber.
At this point all the material was used up. The Grand Duke of Galilee,
minister of war, complained that all the sixteen grown men in the empire
had been given great offices, and consequently would not consent to
serve in the ranks; wherefore his standing army was at a stand-still. The
Marquis of Ararat, minister of the navy, made a similar complaint. He
said he was willing to steer the whale-boat himself, but he must have
somebody to man her.
The emperor did the best he could in the circumstances: he took all the
boys above the age of ten years away from their mothers, and pressed
them into the army, thus constructing a corps of seventeen privates,
officered by one lieutenant-general and two major-generals. This pleased
the minister of war, but procured the enmity of all the mothers in the
land; for they said their precious ones must now find bloody graves in
the fields of war, and he would be answerable for it. Some of the more
heartbroken and unappeasable among them lay constantly wait for the
emperor and threw yams at him, unmindful of the body-guard.
On account of the extreme scarcity of material, it was found necessary
to require the Duke of Bethany postmaster-general, to pull stroke-oar
in the navy and thus sit in the rear of a noble of lower degree namely,
Viscount Canaan, lord-justice of the common pleas. This turned the Duke
of Bethany into tolerably open malcontent and a secret conspirator--a
thing which the emperor foresaw, but could not help.
Things went from bad to worse. The emperor raised Nancy Peters to the
peerage on one day, and married her the next, notwithstanding, for
reasons of state, the cabinet had strenuously advised him to marry
Emmeline, eldest daughter of the Archbishop of Bethlehem. This caused
trouble in a powerful quarter--the church. The new empress secured the
support and friendship of two-thirds of the thirty-six grown women in
the nation by absorbing them into her court as maids of honor; but this
made deadly enemies of the remaining twelve. The families of the maids
of honor soon began to rebel, because there was nobody at home to keep
house. The twelve snubbed women refused to enter the imperial kitchen
as servants; so the empress had to require the Countess of Jericho and
other great court dames to fetch water, sweep the palace, and perform
other menial and equally distasteful services. This made bad blood in
that department.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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