He shaved himself closely, and clothed himself in an old woman's
apparel, with a high-crowned hat, and a large dowdy under his chin;
then, taking three children from among his fraternity, he tied two on
his back and one under his arm. Thus accoutred, he comes to Mr.
Pleydell's door, and pinching one of the brats, set it a roaring; this
gave the alarm to the dogs, who came out with open mouths, so that the
whole company was soon alarmed. Out came the maid saying, "Carry away
the children, good woman, they disturb the ladies." "God bless their
ladyships," said Carew, "I am the poor unfortunate grandmother of these
helpless infants, whose mother and all they had were burnt at the
dreadful fire at Kirkton, and hope the good ladies, for Heaven's sake,
will bestow something on the poor, famishing, starving infants." In goes
the maid with this affecting story to the ladies, while Carew keeps
pinching the children to make them cry, and the maid soon returned with
half-a-crown and some good broth, which he thankfully received, and went
into the court-yard to sit down and sup them, as perceiving the gentlemen
were not at home. He had not long been there before they came, when one
of them accosted him thus--"Where do you come from, old woman?" "From
Kirkton, please your honours," said he, "where the poor unhappy mother
of these helpless infants was burnt in the flames and all she had
consumed." "There has been more money collected for Kirkton than ever
Kirkton was worth," said the gentleman. However, they gave the supposed
old grandmother a shilling, commiserating the hard case of her and her
poor helpless infants, which he thankfully received, pretending to go
away; but the gentlemen were hardly got into the house, before their
ears were suddenly saluted with a "tantivy, tantivy," and a "halloo" to
the dogs; on which they turned about, supposing it to be some other
sportsmen; but seeing nobody, they imagined it to be Carew, in the
disguise of the old Kirkton grandmother; so bidding the servants fetch
him back, he was brought into the parlour among them all, and confessed
himself to be the famous Mr. Bamfylde Moore Carew, to the astonishmet
and mirth of them all; who well rewarded him for the diversion he had
afforded them.
In like manner he raised a contribution twice in one day of Mr. Jones,
near Bristol. In the morning, with a sooty face, leather apron, a
dejected countenance, and a woollen cap, he was generously relieved as
an unfortunate blacksmith, whose all had been consumed by fire. In the
afternoon he exchanged his legs for crutches, and, with a dejected
countenance, pale face, and every sign of pain, he became a disabled
tinner, incapable of maintaining a wife and seven small children, by the
damps and hardships he had suffered in the mines; and so well acted his
part, that the tinner got as well relieved in the afternoon as the
blacksmith in the morning.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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