One night in particular he exhausted the
resources of his sorceries, and crowned all by a last effort. He came,
he sat on the edge of the bed like a young maiden full of love, who at
first keeps silence but whose eyes sparkle, until at last her secret
escapes her.
“This,” said he, “is a prospectus of a new life-buoy, by means of which
one can pass over the Seine dry-footed. This other pamphlet is the
report of the Institute on a garment by wearing which we can pass
through flames without being burnt. Have you no scheme which can
preserve marriage from the miseries of excessive cold and excessive
heat? Listen to me! Here we have a book on the _Art_ of preserving
foods; on the _Art_ of curing smoky chimneys; on the _Art_ of making
good mortar; on the _Art_ of tying a cravat; on the _Art_ of carving
meat.”
In a moment he had named such a prodigious number of books that the
author felt his head go round.
“These myriads of books,” says he, “have been devoured by readers; and
while everybody does not build a house, and some grow hungry, and
others have no cravat, or no fire to warm themselves at, yet everybody
to some degree is married. But come look yonder.”
He waved his hand, and appeared to bring before me a distant ocean
where all the books of the world were tossing up and down like agitated
waves. The octodecimos bounded over the surface of the water. The
octavos as they were flung on their way uttered a solemn sound, sank to
the bottom, and only rose up again with great difficulty, hindered as
they were by duodecimos and works of smaller bulk which floated on the
top and melted into light foam. The furious billows were crowded with
journalists, proof-readers, paper-makers, apprentices, printers’
agents, whose hands alone were seen mingled in the confusion among the
books. Millions of voices rang in the air, like those of schoolboys
bathing. Certain men were seen moving hither and thither in canoes,
engaged in fishing out the books, and landing them on the shore in the
presence of a tall man, of a disdainful air, dressed in black, and of a
cold, unsympathetic expression. The whole scene represented the
libraries and the public. The demon pointed out with his finger a skiff
freshly decked out with all sails set and instead of a flag bearing a
placard. Then with a peal of sardonic laughter, he read with a
thundering voice: _Physiology of Marriage_.
The author fell in love, the devil left him in peace, for he would have
undertaken more than he could handle if he had entered an apartment
occupied by a woman. Several years passed without bringing other
torments than those of love, and the author was inclined to believe
that he had been healed of one infirmity by means of another which took
its place. But one evening he found himself in a Parisian drawing-room
where one of the men among the circle who stood round the fireplace
began the conversation by relating in a sepulchral voice the following
anecdote:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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