“About—turn!” This order was also obeyed, though with some trouble. “Quick march!” And off went the valiant soldier, marching down the road at a quick pace, while the preacher resumed his address. SUFFICIENTLY EQUIPPED Recruiting Sergeant—“I can’t enlist you, my good man; you have only one eye.” Patriotic Scotsman—“Hoots! that disna matter. Ye’ve tae shut ae e’e whin yer shootin’ onywey.” “NEXT OF KIN” A good recruiting story, told by an officer at Seaforth, shows how prone is a simple mind to be confused by the elaborate cross-questioning which the new recruit has to undergo. The officer was entrusted with the collection of particulars necessary for the allotment of allowances to the soldiers’ dependents. He was interrogating a young fellow who did not seem to have a clear idea what it was all about. “Next of kin?” he asked, in a sharp, business-like way. The young soldier dropped his voice and became confidentially apologetic. “I’m only wearing a jersey,” he replied; “my shirt’s getting washed.” HIS BROTHER’S TASK A young lad applied for work the other day at a shed in Burnley, where his three brothers had worked previously, but had ’listed. The manager, a thorough patriot, told the lad he could find him two looms at once, and then asked him: “How’s your brother Frank going on?” “’E’s out at the front, sir, feighting.” “Is your brother Albert out in France as well?” “Yes, sir, ’e’s wi’ eawr Frank—same regiment.” “Your eldest brother, Jack, will be out there also, I reckon?” “No,” said the youngster, with a proud shake of the head; “eawr Jack hesn’t gone to France yet. ’E’s mindin’ India!” THE SERGEANTS’ MESS “Do you mean that you want me to press your trousers?” she demanded, with all the sternness she could muster. “Why, certainly, my dear,” replied Sergeant Euchre, affably. “Am I asking too much?” “Well, I should just about think so, Charles William. I’d have you know that when you married me you didn’t marry a flat-iron.” Charles William thought a lot. That same evening Mrs. Euchre chipped in with, “Oh, Charles, you might just button my dress up the back before you go out.” But Sergeant Euchre merely filled his pipe as he chuckled softly, “Not much, popsy-wopsy. You must remember that when you accepted me you did not marry a buttonhook.” And setting his cap at a rakish angle, he made for the sergeants’ mess. BOUND TO KEEP OUT OF IT A recruiting sergeant, holding forth on the absolute necessity of every man enlisting, encountered an Irish wit. “Halloa, John! Why can’t you join the Colors? I don’t know how any man can stand aside in such terrible circumstances. Why, what would you do if the enemy came over here, eh?” “Oh,” said John, “that’s the simplest thing on earth. Why, shure, I’d enlist for foreign service then.” CLEVER MACKAY