“Afther we captured th’ hill, mum,” he said, “we hild it fur a whoile, but was evintually forced to retrate by th’ weight av numbers.” “And were there many dead left on the hill?” she asked, anxiously. “Dead!” he echoed. “Whoi, the whole hillsoide was simply aloive wid thim!” SOONER OR LATER Private —— was known to all his chums as “the early bird,” probably because it was an exact description of the very opposite to what he really was, for “the early bird” was always late, the last man to get out of bed at reveille and the last man on parade, and when his regiment sailed for France his chums declared that he was the last into the transport ship and the last out of it. When his regiment was doing its spell in the trenches “the early bird” was sent for by his officer, and as he was creeping along the trench towards the dug-out a stray bullet caught him in the shoulder, just as he was outside the officer’s shelter. After seeing that he wasn’t seriously wounded, the officer exclaimed, with a twinkle in his eye, “If you had just been a second earlier you would have missed that.” “I would, sir,” returned Private ——, “or if I had been a second later it would have missed me.” INTERRUPTED REPAST A Territorial on guard one night was walking up and down his beat in a business-like way when one of his chums brought him some pudding, which he was very pleased to get. He was sitting down in the sentry-box, eating it, when the general of his regiment came up to him in civilian clothes. The Territorial carried on with his pudding, not noticing the general. The general said:— “Do you know who I am?” “You’re the general’s servant?” “No; guess again.” “Well, you’re his butler?” “No; guess again.” “Maybe you are the general himself?” “That’s who I am.” “Oh, half a mo! Hold this pudding until I present arms.” AN EXCELLENT BRIGADE We heard of a man the other day who, being apparently of military age (though he was really over it), was confronted by the usual old gentleman in the usual railway carriage with the challenge why had he not joined. “Oh, but I belong to the M. B. B.,” said the victim. “M. B. B.? What’s that, sir?” “The Mind My Own Business Brigade,” replied the other, resuming his reading of the paper. WHY THEY THREW HIM IN AGAIN A dentist in an English east-coast town was one day standing on the pier watching the evolutions of some warships, when he accidentally toppled into the water. Three recruits who were standing by immediately plunged in to the rescue and hauled him out. On recovering his breath, he looked admiringly at his brave rescuers, and in a voice filled with deep gratitude he said: “My brave fellows, how can I ever repay you for your gallantry? Just come along to my consulting rooms, and I’ll draw all the bloomin’ teeth out of your heads, and not charge you a penny.” NOTHING TO FUSS ABOUT