In the meantime the Queen had come out of the store and was surprised to find that her husband and the car were absent. However, they speedily returned, and their Majesties laughed over the story together. TIRED AND CROSS Two companies of the “Buffs” were marching along after a very tiring day, when a young staff officer galloped up to the captain in command of the party. “Are you the West Riding?” he asked. But before the captain had time to reply a gruff voice answered from the ranks, “No, we’re the Buffs—walking.” TURKISH NAVAL EFFICIENCY The acquisition of a brand-new Brazilian Dreadnaught by Turkey recalls the story of the Turkish admiral who had been newly appointed to the command of the Ægean squadron. He installed himself in the admiral’s quarters—which opened to the sternwalk—on board the new flagship one evening, and went to bed. Next morning he awoke and ordered full speed ahead. After a little delay the propeller began to revolve, but as it had not moved since the ship was sold to Turkey—at more than cost price by a power which had no use for it—it made a tremendous racket. “Allah!” cried the admiral. “What in the name of the Prophet is this uproar?” “That, Excellency, is the propeller,” replied the captain. “Stop it, then!” It was pointed out to the admiral that stopping the propeller resulted as a rule in the stopping of the ship likewise. “Then take the thing off,” bellowed the naval autocrat, “and put it on the other end.” ROUGH ON TOMMY The mails from home had just been received by a certain regiment. Not only were there letters, but many parcels from relatives and friends at home for lucky soldiers. One of the Tommies received a large box addressed to himself, and with a triumphant yell he rushed off to his company’s lines and gathered them around him to share in the eagerly anticipated contents of his box. “Smokes, lads!” he cried, as he undid the wrapping. “From the old man; I knows it. An’ there’s sure to be a bottle or two of Scotch.” He opened the box, gave one look at the contents, and collapsed in a heap. “What is it?” cried his comrades, pressing round. “It’s from ole Auntie Mary,” groaned the disappointed warrior. “Bandages an’ ointment an’ embrocation an’ splints, an’ a book on ‘’Ow to be yer own Surgin’!” NOT EXACTLY COMPLIMENTARY The company marched so poorly and went through their drill so badly that the captain, who was of a somewhat excitable nature, shouted indignantly at the soldiers:— “You knock-kneed, big-footed idiots, you are not worthy of being drilled by a captain. What you want is a rhinoceros to drill you, you wretched lot of donkeys.” Then, sheathing his sword indignantly, he added, “Now, lieutenant, you take charge of them!” THE QUEEN, LIEUTENANT The sporty lieutenant, on being handed one of the mufflers so thoughtfully sent out to English soldiers at the Front by “Mary R.” representing the ladies of the Empire, murmured:—