“I thought I knew every single one of the Empire ladies, by sight at any rate; but dashed if I can remember ‘Mary R.’” FINE WORK The war bulletins, which used to announce the taking of provinces and army corps, announce now the taking of single trenches, or single farm-houses—they announce, like a football game, gains of a few yards. It’s fine work, very fine work. It reminds one of the jockey who was a trifle overweight—only a trifle, mind; but this trifle was enough to disqualify him. “James,” said his owner after the scales had told their tale, “is there nothing more you can do?” “No, sir; nothin’.” “Are you shaved and hair-cut?” “Half an hour ago.” “Nails?” The jockey showed his nails. They were trimmed to the quick. “You’d better get your tonsils cut, James.” But this, too, had been done. “Well, then, James,” said the owner, “there’s nothing for it but to have your appendix taken out. Hurry off to the hospital now, or you’ll be too late.” NO CAUSE FOR FEAR A company of Territorials were at the range. The usual marker had not turned up, but a deputy was soon found in the person of an old worthy well-known in the district who occasionally acted as substitute in such circumstances. The first round was about to be fired when the captain, looking towards the target, was almost stupefied to see the newly-engaged marker right in the line of fire. “Stop firing!” he screeched, as he hastened to where the old man stood, calmly smoking. “You blithering idiot!” he yelled, as he approached. “Do you know you were within an ace of death just now?” “Ich, aye,” was the reply. “Jist fire awa’. A’ve marked for your squad before.” GIVE AND TAKE A South African newspaper hears that much badinage by wireless passes between English officers at Luderitzbucht and the German officers at Windhuk. The other day, so the story runs, the O. C. German troops at Windhuk wirelessed down to a certain prominent officer: “Stop your men playing football and teach them to drill instead; Kolmanskop will make a good parade ground.” That night a reconnoitering party went out to Kolmanskop and killed four Germans and wounded another. Colonel Blank thereupon wirelessed to Windhuk: “Took your advice; scored four goals and a try.” FUN ON THE FIRING-LINE The course of training for a recruit is not all drudgery. Hardly a day passes without some amusing incident happening. The following occurred a few weeks ago in a Territorial regiment. The day’s programme included practice in passing messages from mouth to mouth all along the line. In the roar of a battle it is very necessary that each man should be able to pass on a message which could not be heard if the officer in charge called it out. The officer got the men in a firing position and whispered the following message to the man on the left flank:—