The other day a British scout, who, previous to the outbreak of war, had been a well-known man about town, was told to examine a little wood on the right bank of the ——. He went forward and tried all the usual artifices, including the somewhat threadbare one of pretending to gallop away in alarm, but in vain. Not a German showed himself. Yet the scout was not satisfied, and suddenly a bright thought struck him. He advanced a few paces and, jingling some loose silver in his pocket, roared out: “Waiter! Get me a taxi!” “Yessir! Cert’n’y, sir!” came the reply from some twenty or thirty German soldiers. Force of habit had proved too much for bonds of discipline. CHINESE SYMPATHY The other day a British reservist living in Montreal with his wife and family received the call to join the colors immediately. He decided to take his wife and children to England to stay during his absence. He found the most convenient arrangement would mean leaving Montreal the following day. But it was midweek, and the family wash was at the Chinaman’s. The lady went over to the laundry. The “boys” shook their heads—the wash would not be sorted out before Saturday. But just then the boss laundry-man came in. “Your husband going to the war? Velly brave man. Me work all night to get your laundry.” Next morning it was brought home by the “boss” himself. “How much?” “Nothing. Your husband go to the war. If you stay here all winter me wash all the clothes for the family. Not a cent.” GIVING HIM A SEND-OFF A curious incident was witnessed in a tram-car in a Yorkshire town a day or two back. Two women were seated side by side in earnest conversation. “So tha’s been to see him off?” said one. “Aye,” replied the other. “Ah’ve been to see him off. Eh, dear, but I didna know what to say to him. So I says, ‘Well, good-bye, old lad,’ I says, ’an if tha thoomps t’ Kaiser as tha’s thoomped me he’ll be sorry he went to war!’” SHE KNEW BY EXPERIENCE “Some of our cannon are disappearing,” remarked the lieutenant. “Well, things will disappear when you have careless help,” responded the lady who was going over the fort. “I find that a great trouble about keeping house.” WHERE WAR IS NOT HELL Chatty Neighbor—“I suppose you don’t stand for any war arguments among your boarders?” Boarding House Mistress—“O, yes. You see, our biggest eater gets so interested that he forgets to eat and our next biggest eater gets so mad that he leaves before the meal is half over.” FEROCITY EXPLAINED Bill—“I read as ’ow that ’ere ’Indenburg ’as got an English wife.” Alf—“Ah, that accounts for ’is fightin’ like ’e does.” COULDN’T BE SCOTCH Barman—“Strikes me, there’s one o’ these blooming German spies in the smoke-room, sir. ’E’s bragging about bein’ a Scotsman, and the whisky I took ’im a quarter of an hour ago ’e ain’t even touched yet.” HARDLY HIS FAULT Officer (severely)—“Is this rifle supposed to have been cleaned?”