“Men, look upon this hero, and imitate his bravery! All through the long night he stood firm at his sentinel’s post, although completely surrounded by the enemy, and there he remained, calmly.” Private Bumptious turned deadly pale. But before he fell in a faint to the ground, he gasped out: “Then they were enemies! I thought they were our own troops.” WHAT HAPPENED TO REIMS “Wasn’t it fearful about the Reims cathedral?” “Don’t say Reems; it sounds horribly ignorant.” “Well, how do you pronounce it?” “Why, Hranss.” “How?” “Hn—Hranhss! Just as if you were clearing your throat. See? Hranss!” “Well, you sound as if you had a dreadful influenza, threatened with grip!” “Well, that’s right, anyhow. H—hn—hnh—hrahnhss!” “You’d better go to Arizona! You’ll never get well here! I don’t believe you, anyway. Everybody says Reems.” “They don’t, either!” “They do so!” “Oh, well, it depends on the sort of people you associate with—” “Well, I don’t go with a lot of fake highbrows, anxious to show off the French they learned in a course of lessons by mail—” “Better than a lot of country junks who don’t know how to pronounce—” “Oh, well, the church wasn’t hurt much, anyhow.” “No, they say it can be repaired. How do you like my hat?” “Heavenly! What do you think of mine?” “Adorable! Let’s go in and have soda.” “Let’s.” REBUKE THAT DIDN’T WORK British Teacher (to small boy)—“So you’ve come to school without a pen, eh? What would you say if one of our soldiers went to France without his gun?” Tommy—“Please, sir, I should say he was an officer.” SOMETHING TO THINK OF The awkward squad had been having a lecture in musketry. Just before they were dismissed the instructor asked one of them: “Why is the rifle placed in the hands of a soldier?” “To protect my life,” came the prompt reply. The instructor glared at him. “Protect your life!” he snorted. “Who’s bothering about your life? The rifle, my lad, is placed in your hands for the destruction of the King’s enemies!” A FAVORABLE BALANCE A friend called on a merchant who did a large Continental business to offer him his sympathy. “This must hit you very hard.” “Very hard,” said the merchant. “I’ve over eleven hundred pounds owing to me in Germany, and it’s touch and go whether I ever get a penny of it. Still, we’ve got to put up with something for the country.” “I’m glad you take it so cheerfully.” “Well,” explained the merchant, “I owe over sixteen hundred pounds in Germany.” DISREGARDING THE LIMIT In order to stimulate rifle practice in a Lancashire district, especially amongst the rising generation, a match was arranged in which the competitors must be over fourteen years and under seventeen years of age. The match was in progress, and there seemed to be not a few of the competitors who would never see another seventeenth birthday.