“Now, boys,” he said, “don’t be shy; it’s your turn now. Ask me any question you like on any subject you like, and if I can, I’ll answer it.” After hesitating, a small but courageous boy held up his hand and blurted out: “Why are you not in khaki?” BEST OF REASONS “No, sir, I don’t believe in war,” cried the little man. “It means invasion and confiscation and a forcible and brutal alteration of existing boundaries.” The man across the way turned to his companion and asked in a whisper who the little man was. “He is a mapmaker,” the companion whisperingly replied, “and he’s got an immense stock of old maps on hand.” MOST UNUSUAL A British officer inspecting sentries guarding the line in Flanders came across a raw-looking yoeman. “What are you here for?” he asked. “To report anything unusual, sir.” “What would you call unusual?” “I dunno exactly, sir.” “What would you do if you saw five battleships steaming across the field?” “Sign the pledge, sir.” MORE SURFACE TO COVER The people of Luxemburg are not wanting in a sense of humor. One day an officer of the Prussian Guard entered a barber shop and had a shave. Whereupon he tendered to the barber a twopenny piece. “Excuse me, sir,” said the barber, “but it’s threepence now.” “Why threepence?” asked the Kaiser’s Guardsman. “In August last you only charged me twopence.” “That’s true enough,” was the barber’s reply; “but since the Battle of the Marne your face has grown much longer.” WORSE THAN WURST They were talking of the war. “What an age we are living in, to be sure!” said one. “Yes,” replied the other; “it is the German sauce age.” SHE KNEW PADDY When a certain Dublin woman was informed a few days ago that her son had been captured by the Germans with other prisoners, and that he had been put into a chain-gang, she said, with great emotion:— “Heaven help the man that’s chained to our Paddy.” HE HAD SMOKED ONE English Host—“I thought of sending some of these cigars out to the front.” The Victim—“Good idea! But how can you make certain that the Germans will get them?” SALVAGE During the fighting a Highlander had the misfortune to get his head blown off. A comrade communicated the sad news to another gallant Scot, who asked, anxiously:— “Where’s his head? He was smoking ma pipe.” A SOLDIER’S WIFE RELATES THIS I received a letter from my husband last week, in which he states that he and others were having a glass of beer, when a minister came amongst them and, kneeling down, began to pray, when one of the company present, known as “Stammering Tommy,” closed his eyes and bent his head. When he again opened his eyes, at the close of the prayer, some one had drunk up all his beer. “Eh!” exclaimed Tommy, in astonishment. “M-my b-beer’s all g-gone. I shall w-watch and p-pray n-next t-time.” IT SAID SO ON THE DOOR A group of patriotic and very enthusiastic boys was assembled outside a well-known London hospital. A passer-by was asked by one of them:—