“Please, sir, can you tell us which general it is who is in this hospital?” “General?” replied the man. “I don’t know of any general in this hospital.” “Oh, yes, sir—look for yourself,” cried all the boys together. The man fixed his gaze on the sign and read, “General Lying-In Hospital.” GENTLE HINT A woman who had had four stalwart soldiers billeted on her endeavored to use as little butcher meat as possible. Day after day there was served at the dinner time a scanty meal, the chief item of which was tea. “Ah,” she said one day, pointing to a tea leaf floating in one of the cups, “there’s to be a visitor today.” “Well, madam,” said one of the hungry four, “let us hope that it’s the butcher!” SOMETHING JUST AS GOOD The number of famous literary men who are now serving in his majesty’s forces is so great that the happy idea has been conceived of publishing a book, the contributors to which are all celebrated authors who have become soldiers. Among the long list of names to be found in the volume, one of the best known is that of A. E. W. Mason, the novelist. Formerly Mr. Mason was a member of Parliament, and he tells of a man who wrote a certain M. P. asking for a ticket of admission to the gallery of the house of commons. The M. P. wrote back saying that he was very sorry that he could not send the ticket because the gallery was closed. The next day he was astonished to receive from the stranger the following note: “As the gallery is closed, will you please send me six tickets for the zoo?” NOT ON THE MENU A gentleman in khaki, just back from France, rambled into a restaurant. After glancing over the bill of fare, he looked around the room for a waiter. “Yes, sir,” said the waiter, sliding over in response to his call with a glass of water and a napkin. “Tell me, waiter,” remarked the soldier, “have you got frogs’ legs?” “No, sir,” was the rather unexpected answer; “it is rheumatism that makes me walk like this!” DYE IS SCARCE Gen. Joffre’s quiet humor is typified in a story which comes from the trenches. Some members of the general’s staff were discussing the number of officers whose hair had turned from jet black to white since the war began, and they had decided to their own satisfaction that the cause was to be found in the mental strain. Gen. Joffre was asked for his opinion, and, while agreeing with the conclusion arrived at by his officers, naively added that it was also very difficult in war time to obtain the toilet accessories to which one was accustomed in times of peace! THE HERO First Tramp—“You seem very ’appy abaht it. Wot’s up?” Second Tramp (reading Mr. Asquith’s Guildhall speech)—“’Ere’s me bin goin’ wivout luxuries all this time, an’ I’ve only jus’ found out that I’ve bin ’elpin’ the country to win this war.” NEEDED A BRACER During the recent fighting along the banks of the Aisne a man was badly wounded. The Ambulance Corps tenderly placed him on a stretcher.