“Did you ever go to a military ball?” asked a lisping maid of an army veteran. “No, my dear,” growled the old soldier. “In those days I once had a military ball come to me, and what do you think? It took my leg off.” MOTHERLY ADMONITION The young organist of the village church had joined the local corps to fight for King and Country. The whole place turned out to see the boys go off to the Front, among them the organist’s mother, a dear old soul, who was weeping bitterly. Bravely the old lady dried her tears, and as the train steamed out of the station she called to her son:— “Look after yourself, my boy, and be sure you keep your practice up.” OTHER INTENTIONS Recruiting Officer—“And now, my lad, just one more question—are you prepared to die for your country?” Recruit—“No, I ain’t! That ain’t wot I’m j’ining for. I want to make a few of them Germans die for theirs!” SLACKERS British Foreman Compositor—“Three more of my men have enlisted this morning.” Editor—“Ah! A wave of patriotism, I suppose?” Foreman Compositor—“Well! Perhaps that’s the way to put it, but they say they would rather be shot than set any more of your copy!” A PUTTERING PUTTER War Fan—“What’de yuh think of von Hindenburg’s drive?” Golf Fan—“His drive is all right, but they say he’s weak on the green.” BLACK AND BLUE, PERHAPS The Village Know-All—“’Ow’s that son o’ yourn wot went into the Army gettin’ on, Mr. Highpate?” Mr. Highpate—“Oh, doin’ splendid. They’ve made ’im a color-sergeant now.” The Village Know-All—“’Ave they, though? What color?” BUT WILL THEY? “What makes you think we’ll have better times when the war is over?” “Well, for one thing, all these men who do nothing but stand around discussing the war news will have time to go back to work.” SLOW BUT SURE Yoemanry Officer (to trooper whose horse continually falls to the rear)—“How’s this? You told me your horse had won half-a-dozen matches against some of the best horses in the country.” “So he has, sir,” replied the trooper. “It was in ploughing matches he took the prizes.” THE RECRUIT SCORES ONE “Blockhead!” shouted the exasperated drill-sergeant to the raw recruit. “Are they all such idiots as you in your family?” “No,” said the recruit. “I have a brother who is a great deal more stupid than me.” “Impossible! And what on earth does this incomparable blockhead do?” “He is a drill-sergeant.” OUR GUESS WOULD BE BEER Teacher—“Now, children, who can tell me which is the Germans’ favorite drink?” After a pause—“Champagne,” exclaimed all the class excepting Tommy. Teacher—“Now, Tommy, don’t you agree with the others?” Tommy—“Well, teacher, I don’t know. I am not sure that the German army are fond of champagne, but all the world knows that their navy always stick to port.” A RARE OFFERING