Black humor; City and town life -- Fiction; Intellectuals -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction; Satire
“Thank you, invariably well.”
“Well, well,” said Gumbril Senior, sitting down again, “I must say I’m
not surprised. I’m only surprised that you stood it, not being a born
pedagogue, for as long as you did. What ever induced you to think of
turning usher, I can’t imagine.” He looked at his son first through his
spectacles, then over the top of them; the motives of the boy’s conduct
revealed themselves to neither vision.
“What else was there for me to do?” asked Gumbril Junior, pulling up a
chair towards the fire. “You gave me a pedagogue’s education and washed
your hands of me. No opportunities, no openings. I had no alternative.
And now you reproach me.”
Mr. Gumbril made an impatient gesture. “You’re talking nonsense,” he
said. “The only point of the kind of education you had is this, it gives
a young man leisure to find out what he’s interested in. You apparently
weren’t sufficiently interested in anything——”
“I am interested in everything,” interrupted Gumbril Junior.
“Which comes to the same thing,” said his father parenthetically, “as
being interested in nothing.” And he went on from the point at which he
had been interrupted. “You weren’t sufficiently interested in anything
to want to devote yourself to it. That was why you sought the last
refuge of feeble minds with classical educations, you became a
schoolmaster.”
“Come, come,” said Mr. Porteous. “I do a little teaching myself; I must
stand up for the profession.”
Gumbril Senior let go his beard and brushed back the hair that the wind
of his own vehemence had brought tumbling into his eyes. “I don’t
denigrate the profession,” he said. “Not at all. It would be an
excellent profession if every one who went into it were as much
interested in teaching as you are in your job, Porteous, or I in mine.
It’s these undecided creatures like Theodore, who ruin it by drifting
in. Until all teachers are geniuses and enthusiasts, nobody will learn
anything, except what they teach themselves.”
“Still,” said Mr. Porteous, “I wish I hadn’t had to learn so much by
myself. I wasted a lot of time finding out how to set to work and where
to discover what I wanted.”
Gumbril Junior was lighting his pipe. “I have come to the conclusion,”
he said, speaking in little jerks between each suck of the flame into
the bowl, “that most people ... ought never ... to be taught anything at
all.” He threw away the match. “Lord have mercy upon us, they’re dogs.
What’s the use of teaching them anything except to behave well, to work
and obey. Facts, theories, the truth about the universe—what good are
those to them? Teach them to understand—why, it only confuses them;
makes them lose hold of the simple real appearance. Not more than one in
a hundred can get any good out of a scientific or literary education.”
“And you’re one of the ones?” asked his father.
“That goes without saying,” Gumbril Junior replied.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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