Black humor; City and town life -- Fiction; Intellectuals -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction; Satire
Gumbril, Theodore Gumbril Junior, B.A. Oxon., sat in his oaken stall on
the north side of the School Chapel and wondered, as he listened through
the uneasy silence of half a thousand schoolboys to the First Lesson,
pondered, as he looked up at the vast window opposite, all blue and
jaundiced and bloody with nineteenth-century glass, speculated in his
rapid and rambling way about the existence and the nature of God.
Standing in front of the spread brass eagle and fortified in his
convictions by the sixth chapter of Deuteronomy (for this first Sunday
of term was the Fifth after Easter), the Reverend Pelvey could speak of
these things with an enviable certainty. “Hear, O Israel,” he was
booming out over the top of the portentous Book: “the Lord our God is
one Lord.”
One Lord; Mr. Pelvey knew; he had studied theology. But if theology and
theosophy, then why not theography and theometry, why not theognomy,
theotrophy, theotomy, theogamy? Why not theophysics and theo-chemistry?
Why not that ingenious toy, the theotrope or wheel of gods? Why not a
monumental theodrome?
In the great window opposite, young David stood like a cock, crowing on
the dunghill of a tumbled giant. From the middle of Goliath’s forehead
there issued, like a narwhal’s budding horn, a curious excrescence. Was
it the embedded pebble? Or perhaps the giant’s married life?
“... with all thine heart,” declaimed the Reverend Pelvey, “and with all
thy soul, and with all thy might.”
No, but seriously, Gumbril reminded himself, the problem was very
troublesome indeed. God as a sense of warmth about the heart, God as
exultation, God as tears in the eyes, God as a rush of power or
thought—that was all right. But God as truth, God as 2 + 2 = 4—that
wasn’t so clearly all right. Was there any chance of their being the
same? Were there bridges to join the two worlds? And could it be that
the Reverend Pelvey, M.A., fog-horning away from behind the imperial
bird, could it be that he had an answer and a clue? That was hardly
believable. Particularly if one knew Mr. Pelvey personally. And Gumbril
did.
“And these words which I command thee this day,” retorted Mr. Pelvey,
“shall be in thine heart.”
Or in the heart, or in the head? Reply, Mr. Pelvey, reply. Gumbril
jumped between the horns of the dilemma and voted for other organs.
“And thou shalt teach them diligently to thy children, and shalt talk of
them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way,
and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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